Rave To The Grave

Fanboy Extremes

2009-02-25T20:40:00.005-08:00

Right. So I got these pictures of real life posters in a forward, and was unable to speak for a good five minutes on account of laughing my head off (luckily the head decided to come back).

This is a glaring example of the hardest of hardcore fanboys - the worst kind. The ones who are blinded by sheer hero-worship to see things for what they are.

For the many who cannot read Tamil, I will now attempt to provide my translation and interpretation services.

As one can clearly see, the two pictures are merely two parts of one big poster.

Apparently the poster in its entirety is the brainchild of the self-titled Elite Action Corps of Vijay Fans, going by how they choose to call themselves (Vijayin Adhiradi padai).

Here are some of the members whose names appear on the poster. Some of them seem to have very familiar sounding first names (these are in fact the titles of some of Vijay's blockbuster hits)

The Lieutenant: G.K. BADRI Saravanan

Two other prominent members of the Elite Action Force : S. Analmeyyar (The tamil Anal)

R. GILLI Sidhambaram

Some other members:

. A. GILLI Amaran , J. RAJINI Guna (Also holds membership in at least one other elite unit apparently), V. VIJAY Arun, M. BAGAVATHI Gopi, SIVAKASI Simbu, P. VIJAY Baskar, P.V. BAGAVATHI Sekar, M. Hari, J. POKKIRI John and S. VIJAY Karthi.

The poster starts off on a rather upbeat note:

Vetri (Victory) Vijay (Vijay)

2009-l singalathai velvom (We will win Sri Lanka in 2009)
2011-l thamizhaghathai aalvom (We will rule Tamil Nadu in 2011)

Agadhiyaana Makkalukku, Amaidhiyaana naadu ketta engal anbu thalaivar naangal vanangum

SIVA PERUMAN

Thamizhaga Viduthalai Vengai Puli

(The man who said he'd ask God for peace in the midst of unrest {in the title song for the movie Villu}, our beloved leader, the one that we worship

The Lord Shiva

The Tamil Liberation Tiger)

Vijayin VILLU Vellum (Vijay's 'Villu' will win)

ena Vaazhthum Vijayin Adhiradipadai (as we, the Elite Action Corps of Vijay's fan club, hereby declare )

Followed by the names of the fearless few.

On the left side of the poster is no doubt the artist's rendition of actor Vijay as Lord Shiva, sitting on a rather constipated -looking tiger.

Make of this what you will :-).

P.S. - I'm a fan of Vijay but definitely not a fanboy.

Basic Instinct

2008-12-13T11:37:00.012-08:00

An incident last night, made me come right back to my blog (which, unfortunately I haven't had much time for , of late) because I had to get a shout out.

Four of us are walking back from a movie (Slumdog Millionaire -which by the way is overrated, IMHO) in one of those ubiquitous strip malls designed to cater to all your diverse interests in one convenient location. As it so happens, this particular group was a very typical Indian group - which no doubt indicates to the seasoned observer that the guy - girl ratio is extremely skewed , as it is wont to happen in such typical groups.

The law of averages in Typical Indian Groups therefore manifested upon us the numbers of three males and one female. It also dictated that we stand around, talking loudly and searching for answers to the following, in order:

Why Slumdog Millionaire is overrated; Would any one of us crawl through the day's produce from a make-shi(f)t wooden digestive by-product disposal structure, in order to secure an autograph from Amitabh Bachchan (No to that - yes to one from The One, The Only Superstar seemed to be the general consesus from the 3 males, with the one female expressing utter disbelief at this consensus); Why Anil Kapoor sucked as the host (with beard, shiny nylon suit, ridiculous accent); Whether this was one of Anil Kapoor's many comeback vehicles (with discussion touching upon whether Tezaab or Rajkumar were his others); Why on Earth the winning prize money is set to Rs. 20 Million on a program that is admittedly for Who(ever) wants to be a Millionaire and so on.

Anyway, you get the drift and I digress. After this soul-stirring discussion, we attempted to walk over to the parking lot and had to cross the road (inside the complex). Suddenly, we see this car bearing down upon us, there is a stop sign right in front so we know the car has to stop. However, the driver starts revving the engine repeatedly and it sounds like something straight out of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof, with some crazed psychopath behind the wheel, who likes to make roadkill out of the innocent (us).

As a result, my Basic Instinct (for survival) kicks in and I make haste like the wind and fly across the road. Providence or fate or merely co-incidence had, while we started crossing the road, placed the one female in the group, Sha, right beside me (which, let me tell you, seldom happens) and closer to the approaching car than I.

This is where things get a little interesting. As stated, my Basic Instinct is to add miles to my footspeed and get out of the way of the Death Car. Sha, on the other hand does something that made me write this post. She gets a hold of my right hand, as well as the rest of me and ends up moving in tandem with me, as a result of being a complete attachment for the moment. She almost felt like a third arm and a leg.

The way things looked, she might have jumped on top of me if she could have.

Anyway, as things turn out the car stops at the Stop sign and some fat, incredibly pasty, white dude pokes his head out the window and yells out "That really scared you didn't it? *Smirk*".

Basic Instinct kicks in (Sarcasm) and I yell back " YOU ROCK DUDE!" at which point there was no further comment from the other side, and the car glided away silently.

I am very clear about the nature of my relationship with Sha. It is the very definition of Platonic and I definitely respect her. She's shown, several times to be unflappable under pressure, albeit of a different kind. She's level-headed and does not hesitate to state her opinion. She's smart, intelligent and considerate.

Nevertheless, I couldn't help think back to her actions.

Why was her first instinct/reaction to cling to me, instead of trying to get to immediate safety? Did the fact that I was a guy have anything to do with it? Was it mere co-incidence that I happened to be standing/walking right next to her?

Was her basic instinct, to seek protection rather than safety, at a time of crisis? Did this basic instinct stop at her as an individual, or did it extend to women as a whole?

New Business Proposal

2008-08-17T12:04:00.004-08:00

More samples of a conversation that I found myself in, although not necessarily contributing to.

Two guys I know, have come up with a 'radical' new business proposal designed to take advantage of certain Indian characteristics and traits.

RaKu, who is not Indian, was observing that as a general rule, Indians seem to have been blessed with a generous smattering of hair about the hindquarters. He specifically recalled this Indian girl that he used to date and vouched for the fact that the blessing he referred to earlier was definitely in abundance. We were not inclined to argue.

AnSi, who IS Indian, also agreed, apparently from personal knowledge.

At this point, RaKu came up in an instant, with the business proposal.

"Indian Ass-Hair Wigs. We gonna go around and request Indians to make donations".

The business idea definitely seems like it might work. People might actually voluntarily make donations and contributions although questions of flexibility might impose themselves in the harvest process.

Upon inquiring if RaKu would be interested in the role of harvester, going around and harvesting said hair from volunteer subjects, he however expressed his disinclination, going as far as stating that such tasks were for people like AnSi.

This led to some contentious and controversial statements between the two, involving extreme political incorrectness in relation to each other's possible sexual orientation. Fingers were pointed and scenarios described.

I could only stand there and shake my head. Just like so many other business ideas - not too bad in concept but failing when practical considerations are to be accounted for.

Will Indian Ass-Hair Wigs ever see the light of day?

Back to Blogging...

2008-07-26T11:04:00.004-08:00

I know I haven't written anything in over two months and it seems like an awfully long time. I've been busy writing a few sketches that I hope to be able to have onstage in an upcoming event. It was a very different experience. I realized firsthand that it takes a whole lot to actually write something that makes sense to me , sounds appealing and flows the way I want it to. This is a 12 page script but it seemed to take forever. Plus I wasn't really sure how to write for the stage since almost all the writing I've read in this aspect consists of screenplays.

It took me two months just to get it right and I'm reminded of another piece of 'inspired' writing that took about two months as well: My Statement of Purpose for Grad School. Man, that thing takes forever. You write and re-write , scratch, rinse , repeat.

Anyway, since that part of my brain isn't occupied with writing a script anymore, hope to get back to Blogging and telling people something. :)

In the doghouse...

2008-05-20T12:08:00.003-08:00

This from a conversation involving a couple of pals, KapGo and Satan*.

Satan's roomie has a dog that Satan freely adopts/borrows, but only when it doesn't need to be fed/cleaned up after/bathed. In other words they are friends with benefits. This is important in the context of the conversation that follows.

KapGo, looking pensively at dog:

"Y'know, it is said that after a while, dogs start looking like their owners"

*After a pregnant pause of no more than 10 seconds..*

Satan (with all the depth of knowledge that only true enlightenment can bring):

"Well as long as their puppies don't start looking like the owners, I guess its fine!!"

That's deep.

*Name changed to provide more information on the nature of aforementioned pal's activities.

Get that 'appy feeling in you...

2008-04-21T17:04:00.005-08:00

I keep coming back, every now and then to this one question: "What is happiness?". More importantly, how the F#ck do we know when we are really, truly happy? Is it as simple as just a state of mind?

No, really. If happiness is simply going from a negative state to a positive state then yes, compared to your previous state you are better off. You can pat yourself on the back for it and feel ecstatic. However, that does not necessarily mean that you have achieved happiness, does it? It just means that you're not necessarily in a shithole.

However, its a lot easier to tell when you've hit Rock Bottom - you know it instantly. The tail's between the legs and the general countenance can be described in one word - Droopy. That's rock bottom. Should we then be 'happy' whenever we are elevated to a state, any state that is NOT rock bottom, provided we have at some point in time, indeed hit rock bottom and know/remember how that feels?

Can I then say happiness can be defined somewhere along the lines of 'NOT sad'? Does the absence of one automatically mean the presence of the other?

'In US &A' - you hear people greet each other with "How are you doing?" and for most people who've gotten used to this form of greeting its fairly easy to have perfected the art of the standard reply "I'm good. You?". Reply: "Good". You move on with your lives and even if the other person's feeling anything BUT good they wouldn't really be inclined to say it would they? After all, 'Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone." Isn't that true?

Coming back to the pursuit of happiness: I can't say I haven't sort of gotten used to a certain number of things going absolutely wrong in general [I think I would be a prime example of Murphy's law] because the fabric of my existence in the universe seems to be woven with trouble-thread. And yet, miraculously I manage to survive and things do get better. Before they get worse. And then better. And then worse. The fabric, it seems , goes round and round.

Therefore, I have wondered if I should just be happy when things actually go from worse to better, or if I should be really pissed off at Providence/Fate/God/My own actions and wonder what makes things go wrong in the first place. [Been looking for the answer for 27 years now and don't see any answer in sight except that P/F/G intend it that way] I have seen that things will go wrong whenever they can but I also know the situation will eventually improve. Therefore, I have found myself in situations where, perversely, I've been sort of happy when things were going wrong - because I knew they'd inevitably get right. However, here's the curveball: when things go right again, I've wondered if I should simply savour it or look ahead at what's coming since, like I said, things will inevitably go wrong again.

Recently, a song by Bobby McFerrin kind of put things in perspective for me.

"In every life we have some trouble

When you worry you make it double

Don't worry, be happy......"

When you worry - y ou make it double. Ahhhhhh. How simple. It works.Changed my perspective (and my life) I'd like to think.Have had a rough year and a half dealing with an issue that wouldn't go away. Got that fixed and am now on the road to recovery. The process of getting to here has been insufferable, arduous and downright annoying. However, that song has definitely taught me something. I now savor the moments when I'm in the positive state with the conviction that I have the capacity to deal with things when I'm in the negative state.

I think that's happiness to me, but I'm still studying it.

Does money buy happiness? Not according to Ari Gold, of HBO's critically acclaimed TV show, Entourage, talking about people in L.A.

"Nobody is happy in this town except for the losers, look at me, I'm miserable,
that's why I'm RICH."

Maybe if you were born with it :-).

There's this security guard who works in my building and usually comes in when I'm leaving work (usually tired and wanting to get the hell out.). Anyway he greets me with the usual "How you doing!!?" but the question by itself is laced with enthusiasm. After I mumble the customary "Good. you?" his response, is always the same as well.

"OUTSTANDING!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!"

Either he's simply gifted with the best things in life or more likely, he's learned to derive positive states from everything he's been given. One of these days, I plan to ask him.

=
What do you think happiness is?
=
True happiness. What would make you say you're feeling 'OUTSTANDING'?.

Overheard....

2008-04-14T15:07:00.003-08:00

The Tyra Banks show is on in the break-room and I watch it out of sheer boredom. The critical & important topic under discussion was about this woman who spends a lot of $$ on her teenage daughter and how the daughter would have to find herself a rich husband when she grows up [Sheesh!!Tyra Banks should stick to Victoria's Secret catalogues].

Anyway, the father/husband says he is unable to do much about it except come out on National Television and complain. "I keep my lips sealed" he says.

To which, one woman in the break-room says to another "Yeah..you keep your lips sealed and your wallet open..." *Pregnant pause* "....y'know that's the ideal husband!"

It is possible to substitute a word in her quote and come up with a suggestion for the ideal wife - any guesses? ;-)

Yes Minister! Minister goes online....

2008-03-31T11:39:00.003-08:00

Our very own Minister for Rural Development and Local Administration, now has a presence on the www.

Check this out: http://www.mkstalin.net/ .

This is awesome - and not just because the sun will never really set in Tamil Nadu :). Its great to see that the minister has an online presence because you can get an understanding of what he is trying to accomplish, what his mission statement is, what his goals are and how he's going about doing it.

It will be interesting to see how this will work or continue to work in the long run.

As the word turns....

2008-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

Read this ridiculous account of how Harbhajan Singh could have been exonerated from using the racist term 'Monkey'. Turns out he might not have been calling Andrew Symonds 'Monkey' but only swearing at him with 'Teri maa ki...' [Which any person who's ever been within a 100 km of Mumbai would recognize instantly as one of the choicest and yet commonplace terms that tend to be bandied about in them there parts.] I'm not so sure if that's such a big step down, but I was laughing my head off anyways.

Reminds me of this story I've heard where this guy was riding on a scooter with his buddy and some member of the blue-collar workforce happened to pass perilously close to the front wheel. Incensed rider yells out "Bastard!" and b-c.w.member gets extremely angry. Gets in rider's face and demands to know what rider said. Buddy riding shotgun feels that events might come to bloodshed at any instant over the next few seconds. Rider stands by "Bastard", upon which b-c.w.member immediately relaxes and mutters something to the effect of "Oh okay. I thought you said Rascal. Carry on then".

The risk that we run here is that of some over-reaching Television Channel with Navjot Singh Sidhu at the helm starting to delve further into the family history of Andrew Symonds.

Also, come to think of it - how did Brett Lee with all his connections to India and Bollywood not pick up on this? Mate, if you hope to pursue a second career in India after you're done with Cricket, you cannot be lax in picking up on such important conversation pieces....

I have some suggestions for the following members who could get away with cussing members of the Australian team as well:

1) Dinesh Karthik - can call Andrew Symonds "Orang-utan" and claim later that he was only calling him "Odu da gunda" [Run, Fatty] in his native Tamil.

2) V.V.S Laxman - can call Andrew Symonds "Donkey kong" and stand by the fact that he was only referring to him as "Dongana kodukka" [Son of a Thief literally but try saying it to a Golt and see if your face is still intact afterwards]

3) Santhakumaran Sreesanth could throw in a "Gorilla" and insist that he meant "Koothara" [Useless] in his native Malayalam.

The possibilities are endless. The players could work with the omniscient Ramki on their lip movements and pronounciation to ensure that TV camera footage cannot tell the difference.

Fans can also indulge in the following:

1) Choke Them India!!! Choke them!!!

2) Chucker there!! Chucker there!!

[Or, when either Murali/Shoaib Akthar comes on to bowl]

3) Choker there!! Choker There!!=

[When facing any member of the South African team]

[Of course, I meant Chak De India / singing the refrain from Apache Indian's Chok There....]

It happens....

2008-01-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

1) Your hometown's changed every time since the last time you visited

2) So have you

3) You look at the traffic situation and marvel at how people still manage to go places

4) So did you (when you lived there)

5) You used to literally live on the beach and play in the sand but now all you can manage is a rushed visit on the last day for 'old times sake'

6) You look at the beach and wonder how people still manage to walk around in all that mess

7) So did you (when you lived there)

8) You get stares when you walk down a public road

9) You find a hot pink Levi's T-shirt featured prominently on a mannequin at Westside and singger with your buddies about how no straight man could wear that and still be straight (but you still remember your rust colored crackers brand jeans from back in college)

10) People tell you to meet them "down at No.10" and you ask them No.10, where? The answer - "no.10 Downing Street" doesn't serve you well either.

11) You closely monitor milk for fat content and buy Nestle Slim Milk in triples.

12) You complain about not getting enough protein in your diet which is causing your muscles to atrophy.

13) You find that you've lost 5 lbs the day after you land.

14) You find that you've lost 10 lbs the week after you land.

15) You're stuck at home recovering from a medical procedure and you find you've now lost 16 lbs totally.

16) You're very pissed at #13, 14 & 15 because you know its going to take you about a month of pain, protein shakes and chicken breasts before you recover #13 ,maybe #14 and probably 3 months before you recover #16.

17) That sucks.

18) People are pissed because #13, #14 and #15 happens to them in terms of weight gains, not losses.

19) That really sucks. I'd be very happy if I could gain 16 lbs.

20) Er....16 lbs of muscle right?

21) Flab? Hell no. I'd milk the fitness center dry of all electricity if I gained 16 lbs of flab. I'd wear the treadmill down to its motors. I'd sweat blood until I turned that flab solid. However, since my body doesn't work that way, neither do I. Phew!. Okay so I'm grateful that #18 doesn't happen to me.

..back to the list....

22) Every relative you meet instantly scans you for marriageability. Tans, significant weight loss (or gain), hairstyle, facial hair, style of clothes, color of clothes, material of clothes, length of clothes and appearance of clothes are observed, scored and tallied. You get an instant verbal report of said scan with areas for improvement.

23) Every time somebody tells you something about one of your guy friends, your response is usually "HE got married?". You follow it up with a shake of the head and a wry chuckle as you think back to all the kids he probably has running around already.

24) You want to dress for comfort but people insist you dress 'decently'- even if it means you end up wearing pants and a full sleeved shirt in 80+ degree weather and 80% humidity.

25) Just like that, your 3 weeks of vacation are down to the last day and you're now scrambling to get all the shopping, the visits and the packing done because you were too busy following cricket, sleeping in and staying up late.
27) You can't believe you didn't get anything done on this vacation and get through the last day pondering....
28) You visit your friendly neighborhood temple just before you leave for the airport and marvel at how nice it looks. You fold your arms in prayer even though you consider yourself "spiritual not religious".

29) You actually do feel a sense of peace at the temple [but then Church has worked just as well in the past. Hmm....]

30) At the airport you start tearing up thinking about all the things you're going to miss: The people, the humidity, the people, even the traffic, the constantly honking horns and inhuman bus drivers. You realize all over again, just like you did the last time you were here, that no matter what happens, no matter where you may go.....

...Phir bhi dil hai hindustani.....

It happens.

Ishant Sharma Brands Ponting's Ass

2008-01-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Man, the final day of the 3rd Test between India & Australia at the WACA, Perth was mindblowing to say the least. It was heartening to see young Ishant Sharma, playing in his 4th (?) Test match find the legend, "Harbhajan was here and he made life miserable" tattooed on Ponting's ass and marking the occasion by branding his own right below Bhajji's , "So did Ishant and it wasn't pretty" . Now everytime Ricky Ponting has to sit down on that ass, he's going to be re-visited by both Bhajji and Ishant. Every time he makes an ass of himself, he'll have incidents from two tours for accompaniment. Every time he falls on it while claiming another er...grassed catch, he will feel the itch. Ishant Sharma had Ricky Ponting's number in both innings and now hopefully would have gotten into Ponting's head as well.

Can't wait for the 4th test. Go India.

What a wonderful world...

2008-01-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

I remember a time, long ago, when I first heard the refrain to this song "What a wonderful world" in a commercial - Arun Ice-creams if I remember correctly, but I'm not a 100% sure. Of course, I couldn't have known about the original, sung by the legendary Louis Armstrong and I think the song was re-rendered by some Desi with the typical 'faux-upperclass' desi English accent specifically for the commercial.

I used to love that commercial mainly because of the song but have forgotten about it ever since, until now. Been dabbling about in the world of Jazz for a while now and only recently started listening to Louis Armstrong, Ray Charles and the likes and voila - there it was. The first time I listened to the original, it seemed like I was hit by a tidal wave of emotion. I was overwhelmed to say the least. The lyrics are so simple and the musical accompaniment minimal but when it all comes together - oh boy, that's a sucker punch of a pop....er..Jazz.

This got me thinking - why aren't songs like this more popular? Or is it just me not having enough exposure to different kinds of music growing up? Why is musical content involving pain, suffering,various mental disorders, labels indicative of an antagonist's supposed relationship with his mother, blatant use of pharmaceutical products & derivatives, protagonist's lady friend, protagonist's bodily fluids, protagonist's reproductive organs and protagonist's lady friend's ability to effectively use hers, so popular? Does music have to be loud, brash, complicated and twisted to be appreciated?

Come to think of it- this is not my first brush with jazz. There was a computer game that we played a lot growing up. Transport Tycoon. The game basically involves you starting out at $0 in a certain city or area with a lot of cities around and building your transport company by servicing local needs for transport of passengers, cargo and other goods. It was pretty addictive at that time (Remember this was when computers were still magical boxes that returned the favor every time you turned them on). Anyway the background music consisted entirely of jazz musical pieces and I must have embraced it subconsciously. Even now I think I like Jazz because it gives me an instant boost. Its like drinking Red Bull around 4 a.m :).

However I wonder if people would want to listen to uplifting music when down and try to alleviate their situation or listen to music that they might 'identify' with and revel in the fact that their mental state is possibly shared by the singer/band or themes being explored in the song.

After all, who can listen to "Satisfaction" and keep still? (you can try...and you can try....)

Are we like that wonly?

2007-11-30T15:06:00.000-08:00

I have often noticed a set of phrases that seem pretty exclusive to us desis, and from which we draw freely and repetitively. This is very noticeable because it is so heavily used and yet in a strange way kind of comical in its repetition - especially #1 and #2 in Corporate America where you could throw a toothpick in any direction and probably seriously injure the next desi...

1) "Lets touch base" - This phrase gets thrown around so much, its abused. I don't want to touch anybody's base, much less make it a consensual act. Besides, why the @#$@#$, are we going to play Dikkilona?

2) "Lets sync up" - What are you, a Palm Pilot? Am I your host machine? If so, could I give up my host machine status? Please? Can I?

3) "We're having a Pah-tee/ Lets Pah-tee" - Arrrrghhh....its PARRRRRRRTY. No, I don't care if you studied in Church Park Convent. Its Parrrrrrrrrty, biatch*. Pahtee/patti would refer to your grandmother, and I don't think she'd appreciate if you had drinks at her.

4) "I'm from Mud-Ras" (Okay, there's only four people I've heard this from but...just in case anybody gets any ideas...) Its Madras --> M-A-D-R-A-S (and not anymore because they changed the name of the town to Chennai. You cannot find Madras on an updated map because it has ceased to exist. I don't care if you refuse to call it Chennai because it 'sounds' bad/cheap/*insert dumbass reason here*. The name of the town has been CHANGED. It is different. It used to be something before, but now it is something else. What it used to be, it isn't anymore. I can't simply any further). For all you 'Northies' out there, you cannot append a 'si' to the erstwhile name of Chennai and call us "Madrasis". In the same vein, how would you refer to people from Varanasi? Varanasisis? :O).

5) "We are like that wonly" : Probably more common in the south, but I've heard this from a few 'Northies' as well. Term goes to represent anything us desis do that is not acceptable or considered with an unfavorable eye by the rest of the world, and in particular the western world. For example, confront the guy who just cut in line, at the buffet. Didn't he see the other 14 people waiting? "Arre, we are like that wonly na...".

We are like that, wonly in India maybe. IMO, When in Rome.... do as Romans do. (Or DO Romans, according to Kkedi, a girl who speaks her mind and refuses to fade away into silence at any given time, as a result).

* - with all due apologies to female readers. Please try not to be offended. Give it your best shot. Note the clever introduction of an 'a' after B to gently hint at the word I wish I could use, without bringing down the full force of the feminist constabulary 'pon myself...

Flashback....

2007-11-19T15:22:00.001-08:00

You're a pack of typical 14 year old boys. Its a warm, muggy afternoon after lunch and you're in no mood to listen to Parvathi Kruparam+ drone on and on and on about finding area of a pagh within a pagh (she means a Path within a Park) so what do you do? You engage in Schoolboy Exchanges.
=
Smartass Student #1: "Pagh with a what ma'am?"
PK: " Pagh within a pagh child...pay attenshun."
SS#2 (To SS#1): "Make sure you pay"
SS#1 (To SS#2): "Shut up"
SS#2: "Up Shut"
SS#1: "Down Shut"
SS#2: "Shut down!"
=
They've now come to the last possible avenue of exploration in that conversation, with brownie points going to SS#2 for having cleverly instigated and had the final say in the exchange.That SS#2 walked away with the brownie points is further driven home by SS#2 waving his hand in front of SS#1's face (or if that's not possible, in the general direction of SS#1, with a sucking sound in between his lips sounding not unlike mice announcing themselves in a dark attic).
=
SS#1 meanwhile, is thirsting for some payback.
=
SS#1: *asks a silly quosteen to show Parvathi Kruparam that he's...well...there. [Arbit CP, some B-School nerds call it ]
SS#2 (Trying to explode on the brownie point scale): "I want you to shut up"
SS#1: "Keep on wanting"
=
*Conversation could have stopped here, but sometimes it doesn't. Brownie points still up for grabs, if extended. Otherwise, SS#1 sweeps this round...*

--> Extension 1 <---

=
SS#2 : "I won't"
SS#1: "Then don't!"
=

*Again, conversation could have subsided, but brownie points are hard to come by on occasion*

=
--> Extension 2 <--
SS#2: "Very funny"
SS#1: "I forgot to laugh"
SS#2: "Keep on forgetting"
SS#1 (Taking a page out of SS#2's book): "I won't!"
SS#2 (In a clever reversal): "Then Don't!!!"
=

Now, unless SS#1 can employ The Mirror (With further consequences as described) the conversation is over. SS#2 is the CHAMPION.

However, with all the amusement that this exchange generates, all their base are belong to us.

Hail to the Schoolboy Syndrome - the universal cure to boredom. Or Math class.
=

---> + Name NOT changed to disclose full identity.

In the land of the Dragon...

2007-11-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a trip to Beijing, China. Here's what I've found.

1) Chinese women also have very good legs.

2) They apparently do not believe in wasting any part of an animal and therefore we literally saw every body part on the menu - Ears, Intestines, Stomach, Tongue, Brain, Feet, Liver, Blood etc along with supposedly appetizing pictures. NOT.

3) I tasted Shark Fin Soup and found it to be rather pleasant. Its incredibly expensive though. 880 RMB (~ $118.5) for a cuppa.

4) The Peking Duck in this little 'home restaurant' right by our hotel is the best duck I've ever tasted. They have a very similar dish at P.F Chang's and I can see where the inspiration came from.

5) Every cab that we went on, was tuned to the same radio station - some guy sounding like he was having a really bad day trying to find a missing pinky toe under several hundred feet of water while bleeding from its marked absence . We couldn't make out what kind of program it was..

6) Everybody is dressed on the formal side. I saw a lot of jackets, ties and even waistcoats.

7) Even though the city is polluted, the streets of Beijing are C-L-E-A-N. I could not get over how clean they looked.

8) The most populous country on the planet does not look anything like. I only found a handful of people walking on the streets. Definitely nothing like India.

9) Every third car in Beijing is a black Audi A6.

10) The Beijing Hooters is no different from any other. Everything as it should be and plenty to go around as well. Vairy Naise.

11) China does not look like what I expected a communist country to be. Its got its roots firmly in place and yet there were a lot of westernized trends right in the middle. I saw plenty of guys with blond hair. Blond! 12) Overall a place with a lot of history behind it and people immensely proud of that history.

One word to describe it: Intriguing. Another word to describe it: Polluted. The first thing that struck me upon arriving in Beijing is how messed up the air quality is. It got worse over the course of last week, with the temperature dropping and the smog took over. It was hard to see even a half km ahead, while driving on the roads. I couldn't see the buildings on the side of the streets as well. When you breathe in the air, it feels like somebody's sandpapering the inside of your lungs and throat. The entire city is gearing up for the Olympics and therefore there's a lot of construction currently in progress.

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The first weekend that I was there, we went to the most popular tourist attractions starting with:
1) The Great Wall of China

The great wall does not disappoint. Luckily it was as perfect a day as I could have wished for and visibility was excellent all the way around. We went to the Mutiyanu Section of The Great Wall, and although its been restored a bunch of times, you can hardly tell. There's a lot of walking to be done as you go from one tower to the next, over the millions of steps that are all over. We got to see the trees surrounding The Great Wall in their fall colors and this added a bit of color to the scenery. You cannot help but be overcome by a sense of tranquility and peace as you see this unbelievable sight and marvel at one of the Wonders of the World, in China [Chyna, by the way is the 9th wonder of the world, as WWF/WWE fans will no doubt know :) ]

2) The Summer Palace

This was incredibly beautiful. Its hard to imagine the kind of splendor and luxury that the ruling Emperors had access to and when I first saw the summer palace, my mind took a little while before it could process just how BIG the palace really is.

First off, to give you an idea, there's a lake in the middle of it, with its own private little island, that can only be reached by a bridge, or by boat. This lake is huge. I could only stand and wonder at the kind of fun the Emperor must have had. Imagine inviting a lady or twenty to your summer palace, show them your own private little island, do a little dinner on the marble boat on the lake and then the emperor sets about expanding his empire.

Set around the lake are different palaces, each with its own significance, like the palace of Peace and Harmony, The palace of Celestial Purity etc.

Some more random shots of the summer palace.

3) Forbidden City/ Imperial Palace

Unfortunately at the time of my visit, the Forbidden City was under renovation, but I still got to see a lot of it and understand a little bit about its function. Its built in layers, with each layer serving a function. For e.g there's a layer that houses all the guards, and then another layer that houses the weapons and so on. You have to get through all these layers, which have their own courtyards, structures and gates, in order to proceed to the next layer. Its all pretty fascinating.

4) Silk Street Market
This is probably the most popular tourist destination :-). Think of a shop where you can buy a 'Rolex' watch for $40 and you'll get my drift. Knock-offs, all around. Of every kind. I even saw a couple of knocked-up chicks selling knock-offs. That's how much knocking's going on over there. You ask them to knock a little off their base price, and they get so angry that they look ready to knock you off. They'd go "Why yoo do like thees?" and "You so hansom but you very stubbon". Its mostly women selling and boy oh boy do they have every possible trick in the book. Its like a classroom for The Art Of The Deal. Especially if you're a guy. You get hit with all the possible female charm they could throw at you. Of course my regular readers know that FSN is far beyond the reach of the average female charm except when He chooses to accept or acknowledge. They've got everything from 'Burberry' purses [ hope I'm spelling this right. Married guys who accompanied me to Silk Street Market were busy scurrying around to buy 'Burberry' purses to match the printouts that their wives sent with them. They'd buy the purses - which I heard sell at upwards of a $1000 for the originals - take pictures, send them back to the wives, get feedback on unfavorably matching patterns , go back, return them and get new ones. 'Coach' is another popular brand, it seems] to 'Samsonite' luggage to 'Spyder' ski jackets. Take your pick.

They seem to really have the art of quoting a price down to a T. First they poke you in several strategic locations to work the 'female charm'. Then they look at something of yours that they claim to 'really like' and ask you if they can 'see' it. On my first day there, one girl took a 'liking' for my LiveSTRONG bracelet, took it off my wrist in one smooth motion, put it on her hand and put that hand under her shirt somewhere. (Where exactly I couldn't tell for she was rather well endowed and could have hidden away an entire toy train set complete with tracks, stations, crossing lights with batteries included, in the bottom half of her shirt). Of course I wasn't exactly thrilled by all this because as it invariably happens, the spark of realization sped its way through my system faster than Sachin Tendulkar getting out choking on chasing a big total and I realized she was trying to keep me in the shop for as long as possible. For people who wear the LiveSTRONG bracelet because they believe in what it represents (and not one of those airheaded morons who wears it as a fashion statement ) parting with yours is a no no.Anyway I managed to retrieve the Sacred Symbol of Hope with a little bit of insistence. They are also able to observe the way you speak and identify which part of the world you come from.Almost invariably they follow it up with "Where are you from?" and attempt to match it with your accent. Obviously if you're from a developed part of the world, the starting price goes up in leaps and bounds.

However, let me tell you - bargaining with such a hardened lot was an incredible rush. I went back just so I could bargain, hardball and also get something nice, maybe. At the end of my trip, just about everybody there knew me by face and I'd get "I remember you!!! Why you not come in" a whole lot. Some of them even became sort of friendly. I remember May and Yun in Shop number A4-031, who I went to visit everyday. They were roomies and had the most interesting stories to tell me about each other.
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This girl asked me if I wanted to look at some DVD's and took me to this restaurant. Just as I was wondering what was going on, she had me go to this table off to one side. Other people were eating meals off of their tables, but this one in particular was selling DVD's. It was pretty funny. A bootleg stall right in the middle of a restaurant.
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A couple of us went by Bar Street, and right from the moment we stepped off, we had a shadow. This guy was pretty insistent that we follow him to his 'special bar' just about 20 minutes away, where we could 'get girls for special time' whom we could take back to our hotel rooms if we so chose. The shadow stuck to us as we walked all the way to one end and back to where we started. Finally we had to get a little extra firm in establishing forth an unequivocal Nolle Prosequi, after which he thrust his business card in our hands and took off. This was not the only time we were approached - apparently this is rampant all over Beijing because we were sitting at the upscale hotel bar/lounge called Centro (with great Jazz music) and were approached - once by a young lady who just wanted to put her glass on our table (but proceeded to chat up a storm with my American friend, going so far as to ask him what his plans were for the night) and another time by this middle aged guy asking us if we wanted 'special massage' in our room. We were staying at the Kerry Center, and were a little surprised because its supposed to be one of the really good ones there.At Bar Street, We walked by this one bar that seemed to have live music, and on our second pass just 5 minutes later, it had already turned into a Cabaret. This inocuous looking bar had people outside extolling the virtues of its 'performers' and from the time we started crossing the doorway to the time we actually finished crossing, the verbally advertised price of beer went from 20 RMB all the way down to 3 beers for 5 RMB.

I might go back next year - and look around a little more. Maybe around the Olympics......

Reflections

2007-08-29T12:21:00.000-08:00

You're a pack of typical 15 year old boys - rowdy, bawdy and full of shit. You're trading un-printable M.G.R - Jayalalitha jokes in the Electrical Gadgets lab. You see a potential target - and a bespectacled, pencil necked little nerd sitting at the same table and watching the proceedings with a "I can't believe I'm privvy to this" expression on his face, bursting at the seams just waiting to tell on you, is as good a potential target as you'll ever get.

Just looking at such leeches of society (for all they do is make you bleed) is enough to set off an onset of Schoolboy Syndrome (where there is a lot of pushing,shoving, arguing & yelling for no apparent reason and in the end, ievitably, somebody ends up with a bloody nose), and therefore in one such violent spasm of the Sch. Syn. you turn as a pack to the p.n. l. nerd and give him the royal treat of a vile torrent of language that, if the surroundings had happened to be the Botanical Gardens, would have reduced everything green to a pile of rotten, stinking plant fertilizer. You realize you've backed the p.n.l.nerd into a corner where his only means of redemption is to embrace the very route that he professes to avoid. Except, he's no p.n.l.nerd for nothing.

He chooses to reply symbolically, rather than verbally. He sticks his palm out sideways, sort of like a baseball catcher's mitt, with his palm pointing towards you. Groans of disgust go up all around.
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He's just made a very well known symbol, referred to simply as *Mirror*.

i.e - he has indicated by that action, that he is holding a mirror out to you, and this theoretical mirror reflects everything - your image, your actions and more importantly (this is a key concept of the theory) your words. There is no answer to the mirror - except uninterruped and extremely physical retribution. Most often used by the nerd clan, it gives rise to raging tempers and vile temper all around.

I believe this was our very own Indian parallel to the 'Talk to the hand (coz the face ain't listening)' phenomenon employed in the U.S for the last couple of decades.

The *Mirror* does not work all the time. Rather, it works too well. Not only does it *reflect* your words back at you, but it also heightens your testosterone levels to manifest itself in a blind rage, one that will only subside when the reflecting surface (In this case, the hand) is well twisted and measures taken to ensure it does no more reflecting at least until lunchtime (at which point the rest of the mass attached to the reflecting surface will also suffer the same consequences).

Post-lunch usually found the p.n.l.nerd and the remains of his shirt and trousers usually bundled up in a corner, away from prying teachers' eyes. After all, nobody wants to have to talk to their hands.

Rising Sun

2007-07-24T15:20:00.001-08:00

Just got back from a week in Tokyo, Japan. One word to describe it - beautiful.The Tokyo bay is all around, and riding the subway (Which you do to get to most places) you are presented with views of the water on either side, most of the way.

There are a few things I've learned during this past week.

1) Japanese women have the best goddamned legs on the planet. Plus, I only saw like one overweight woman the entire week, and that too she'd only be a 'plus' size in the U.S. In other words, nowhere in Tokyo was I presented with the fatass, overweight, lumbering bodies of sizeable mass that you see everywhere in the U.S - I guess all that walking helps.[Also, c'mon now. How fit can you be when you order a double whopper, large fries and DIET coke? Like the DIET coke is the healthy choice here]

2) It is possible to communicate to a people mostly unfamiliar with the language you speak, by a lot of gesticulating, nodding and pointing. Sign language helps.We didn't really need the spoken word to point us in the right direction, most of the time.

3) You can bungee jump, hike,skydive and/or wrestle alligators, but when you aren't exactly sure what species the item lying on your plate belongs to, it requires a great deal of courage to go ahead and flush it down. Enjoying it on the way is a big plus. We had our moments - when the fish on our plates was a little TOO fresh for the mind to contemplate; the guy basically pulled it right out of the tank sliced and diced it and threw it down (raw) on a plate with a skewer - the fish was actually still jumping around. That's fresh sashimi for you - Yahtzee!! Another adventure during food time was picking items from the menu - we went by pictures and things didn't always turn out to be what we thought they were, going by the visual presentation. An unassuming appetizer of what looked like peppers and cabbage turned out to be minced squid and octopus. It sure was tasty though.
Another time we thought we had barbequed chicken which turned out to be cartilage.Dang - it was hard too.

4) Japanese women have the best goddamned legs on...oh did I say that already? They also have incredibly lithe bodies and are extremely well dressed. I went to this place called Rappongi and I was stunned.Rappongi is this young, vibrant community that's got great shopping and bars. Nearly everybody was in a designer label and looked fantastic. I've never seen anything like it - not even in New York city. Sure, people are dressed up but they are nowhere as fit as the Japanese.

5) The Japanese that we encountered were unbelievably polite - I though the waiter at this lovely little Italian restaurant by the bay was going to burst into tears because I had to wait 5 minutes to get my food to go.People were bowing and greeting us everywhere we went and to somebody used to all the racist assholes in the U.S of A the last 5 years, this was a very pleasant change.

6) OH my holy god, can the Japs party.We went out Friday night on the town, to this nice Japanese restaurant in Shinbashi, whose name I cannot even begin to pronounce (Shinbashi Karasumoriguchimae Ten). We started out with Beer but moved on to Sake.Usually you count your Sake by the shots, but here we were doing it by the bottle. I lost track after the first 6 bottles.Throw in some extraordinary sashimi and chicken skewers and we were in a haven for the gastric juices.

All in all a great trip. I was brought crashing to the ground after I landed at San Francisco International Airport and saw all the fatasses walking around, with countless Big Mac+Big Fries+Diet Coke combos under their belt.

Ah well...there's still the beach.

Parking Karma

2007-07-13T09:12:00.001-08:00

DD's Comedy Shows

2007-07-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

"Metro Channel munna paaru munna paaru
Cable TV pinna paaru pinna paaru
Pepsi Cola Ponnu paaru ponnu paaru
Michael Jackson enna paaru enna paaru"

[Look in the front - Metro Channel
Look in the back - Cable TV
Look at that girl - Pepsi Cola
Look at me - Michael Jackson]
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So went a popular song from the 90's with Prabhu Deva and Kushboo. Forget for a moment that the song's double entendre is lost in translation and focus on the first 2 words of the song. Any kid growing up in the 90's who wasn't "one of those sick spoiled privileged kids who grew up watching Small Wonder or The Wonder years on Star Plus" , instead had to pick and choose between DD 1 and DD2 - The Metro Channel.

Now The Metro Channel had kind of an interesting concept, at least down south in Chennai where I grew up. They would take these hindi shows and simply tack on literally-translated Tamil dialogues involving the same set of voices for every show. Honestly, although you had your moments of annoyance, they were kind of fun. Our very own desi soap operas.

Here are some of the shows, with whatever I remember of them. Feel free to add your own bits.

1) Junoon/Pidivadham

This was probably the most popular show of them all. As I remember it was broadcast Thursday nights, and then maybe on Tuesday and Thursday nights at about 8:30. Primetime, if you will. Due to the literal-translation-bug (LTB) , the following happened off.

a) Keshav Kalshi/Khalsi/Khalsihi/Whatzislastname became Kesava

b) Chacha Nagarkar or whatizname became THATHA Nagarkar. I still distinctly remember the "THATHA!!! Inga enna nadakkudhu" [Grandfather, what is going on here?] to which THATHA Nagarkar replies "Ada adhu onnum illa Kesava. " [That is nothing Kesav-boy]

c) Adhikari Saab became Adigari sir. Adhikari is probably the guy's last name in the hindi version, but in Tamil adigari literally means supervisor/enforcer. So he's now 'Supervisor Sir'.

d) Aditya Dhanaraj became Aaditta Dhanraj "Panakkara Naiye" [Rich Dog] , as mentioned periodically by his arch rival Sumer (!?) Rajvansh.

e) Mini Agarwal's dad , the old coot in the wheel char was simply 'Agarwal Sir'. Mini Agarwal was the troubled daughter, and also I might add, pretty cute. If I remember she was involved with Kesava at one point but cleaned up her act and married this other guy that I can't remember.

Anyway the story went something like this: Aaditta Dhanraj is this rich bloke and has some sort of feud with Sumer Rajvansh. I think Sumer coveted Aaditta Dhanraj's wife Seema at some point and this might have led to the bitterness. However I am not sure. Their families feud as well. Kesava is some kind of capo in a crime family headed by THATHA Nagarkar. Duryodhan (or the dude who played Duryodhan in Mahabharata - I forget his name) is this blind(ing) old dude who's the head of another crime family, to whom for some reason THATHA submits to. Then there's this guy - Manish Mahajanu who keeps referring to himself in the third person. Some kind of traitor who used to work for Sumer but the last I saw, was hiding out in a factory somewhere. Anyway this is all I remember. I'm sure I can find the complete story online somewhere but I don't really care. If some reader wants to fill in the missing pieces, go right ahead.

I still remember a part of the title song for Pidivadham, sung by Hariharan if I'm not mistaken.

Kaadhal Vasapattu, Varume Pidivadham

Pagaimai vasapattu, varume pidivadham

Ezhmai xxxxx, thavippor palar

Panathal vasapattu varume pidivadham

Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham

Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidiiiiivadhaam

Pidivadham enbadhu aandavan arivan

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Puriyadha manam kondu alaigindren naan

Piriyadha idam nokki pogindren naan

Varundhum manadhirkku vendum thamai

Pidivadham theera pidivadham vendum

Pidiivaadham theera pidivadham vendum

Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham
Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidivadham Pidiiiiivadhaam

Then there were the other shows.

2) Kismat/Adhirshtam

So there's this bloke played by Aloknath. He's got two daughters. I think the 2nd one was called Kiran and very cute. The first one was played by Renuka Shahane if I remember. The dad bloke is very rich and everybody's having a nice life when he passes away. Danny Dezongpa (Chatterjee was the character's name I think) is the dad bloke's friend/partner who swindles all their money leaving the 2 daughters to fend for themselves. I don't remember how the story goes after that but there are a lot of close up shots of Kiran's pretty face.

End of story.

The title song went something like this:

Aaaaa aaah, AH AH AHHHH

Aaaaaa aaah, AH AH AAAAHH

Hasna kai, kabhi rona (?) hai

xxxxxxxx hai kabhi paana (?) hai

Kismat kaato (?)

Yehi faasana (?) hai kismat kaatoooooo

Yehi faasana (?) haiiiii

The last two lines after the LTB became:

IDHUUUU DHAANE, Adhirshtathin kadhaiiiii

IDHUUUUU dhaane......

3) Kanoon/Chattam/Sattam

The title character was played by the bloke who played Karna in Mahabharat (After such a big show ended, I suppose the entire cast was flooding the TV Soap market. I think Adhigari saar from Pidivadham played Vidhura in Mahabharat).

Anyway this Karna bloke is a lawyer. That's all I remember. There was some kind of fiery firestorm of a story brewing but I cannot recall what it was about. A lot of close up shots of Karna-bloke's bloodshot eyes (I prefer Kiran's, from Kismat). He was for some reason always dressed in white, even out of the courtroom.

On to the next

4) Ajnabee/ Anniyan

Danny Dezongpa plays the title character here. I don't remember the story at all but it was some kind of spy/military story with a lot of bombs blowing up, treachery, traitors and DD involved in a lot of espionage. I don't remember any cute female characters/actresses from this one. Just a lot of bombs. I do remember that it was kind of exciting...in its own way.

I think these were the main primetime shows that I can recall. There were a couple of afternoon soaps as well.

5) Swabhimaan/ Suyamaridhai

No idea wtf this was about. Something about a girl's relationship with her in-laws maybe? I don't know - I don't care.

6) A Mouthful of Sky

Apna version and answer to such soaps as The Bold and The Beautiful and Guiding Light. It was on in the afternoon (I think) although I don't remember watching a single episode. What I do remember though are the promos they ran. It had Milind Soman in it (and remember those were the days when the Milind Soman-Madhu Saphre TUFFS shoe ads were fresh in everybody's minds , as indeed was that fortunate python which got to crawl to never-before-seen places, but enough about that). It also had a few other actors/actresses who were unknown (atleast to me, haha). Here's the kicker though - IT WAS IN ENGLISH!!

Yes indeed. A very daring move by DD to give us a desi soap in English, complete with terribly faux-voiced accents and stale shit acting. People sounded like they were talking in Hindi -except the words sounded like the Scottish version.

The promos went something like this:

Earth

Wind

Rain

Fire

(WOW)

Wealth

Power

Blood

Desire

(WOW WOW)

Cut to: Some 40+ auntie-former babe talking in Inglipis with really the worst soap-opera-face ever seen on television "WHAT HAPPENED 13 YEARS AGO WITH THE MISTAKE...DAMMIT!!"

To this day I don't know what the mistake was, that happened 13 years ago, but I do know it was not a mistake to never have watched this show.

The title doesn't even make any sense. A MOUTHFUL of sky? WHAT!?

Special Mention: Superhit Muquabla/Potti

Honestly, this was probably the best show they had. It was on Sunday nights, so you had one last shot at hanging on to your weekend before the 'case of the Mondays' the next morning. Even to this day, some of my favorite shows are the Sunday night shows (Thanks to Entourage, Sunday nights really really kick ass. Or that other thing, if you watched the 'Malibooty' episode.) Anyway, superhit potti was a show where they show you 2 seconds of commercials with a 30 second break in-between for a new song, from a new movie. They had different anchors/VJ's for every show, almost. S0metimes you had movie stars come on and present a show (The show where Shahrukh Khan came on was probably the best show - he made it really funny AND he was talking in tamil. Can you believe that). They also showed you old songs. Then they had a contest at the end of the show - usually about a song in one particular position, for it was a countdown show. The top 10 or 5 songs or something like that.

I think Baba Sehgal came on once and sang what would later become its showcase title song.

Mummy vaanga, daddy vaanga

Pudhuve humty dumpty kondanga

Saapitu vaanga thaalam podunga

Poondhu vidunga kondaadunga

Ennoda dingu dong (!!????)

vaaxxxxx singu adha song

sit in front of TV joora vangu sendhu paadunga

VAANGA...

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Super super super HITTU POTTIYE HITTU POTTIYE HITTU POTTIYE (*4)

Anybody remember any other shows?

Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai

2007-07-04T20:02:00.001-08:00

[Picture of Abhishek & Aishwarya in Disneyland]

Just one question: Why the Tiger hat?

Miss Told....

2007-06-30T19:41:00.000-08:00

A 'conversation' [More of a monologue, really] that I remember from 12th grade.

The Tamil Language teacher, yelling at the students in general, and picking out a couple of us on a whim:

TLT: "En da nee ellam schoolukku vare" [Why the hell do you guys come to school?]
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TLT: "Nee urupudama pove. Idho avan erumai maadu meikka poran. Nee vandhu lorry driver ayiduva. Ivan cleaner ayiduvan. [You will be good-for-nothing. That guy will be looking after buffaloes. You will become a lorry-driver. This guy will be the cleaner]
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TLT: "See children. Aasiriyar ungalai thittuvadhum adippadhum ungal nalladhukku dhan enbadhai neengal purindhu kolla vendum. [See children. The reason the teather yells at you and whacks you around is only for your own good, and you should understand that]
=
If my memory serves me correctly, I was picked out to be the cleaner.

Of course, today I daresay I'm doing something a little more than tending to buffaloes, driving a truck or tagging along as the cleaner, with Wireless R&D being a little far removed from the aforementioned career choices.

However, I wonder: Did I get here because of her, or inspite of her.

[The 'lorry driver' now works on software for one of the major financial institutions in New York City, btw]

Interesting, isn't it?

Sivaji : The Boss - COOOL!!!

2007-06-14T22:27:00.000-08:00

Update: Went to watch the movie a second time, in 4 days. It was just as good as the first time.

==============================================================

Just returned from the worldwide premier of Sivaji: The Boss. Got one word for it.

W-O-W!!! Chumma adhirudhilla!!!

Forget Chandramukhi, forget Baba, even dare to re-assess your memories of Padayappa.Sivaji has RAJINI as you've never seen him before. I mean NEVER. Hats off to Shankar for daring to be different and unearthing Rajini's acting potential. Yes, Rajini started off as a fantastic actor and he continues the good work in Sivaji. Shankar has dared to be different and has busted the norms that usually feature in a Raijni movie - this is pretty evident right from the very first scene. You'll see Rajini bleeding on screen and getting beaten up by the bad guys for the first time in...what....10 - 15 years? Honestly I can't even remember when that happened. There are no 'punch dialogues' per se in the movie, atleast not by Rajini (you'll have to watch the movie to see how this is possible) although there are two signature styles that feature all through the movie - one with a piece of chewing gum, seen in the trailer (now that smoking on-screen is banned) and another with a 1 rupee coin that happens in the 2nd half of the movie. Sivaji is supposed to be 'U.S returned' so there are a lot of Englipish phrases liberally sprinkled throughout the movie.
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The story is simple - A riches-to-rags-to-riches Kollywood Robinhood Man Saves the World story, with a few surprises thrown in. BIG surprises. Shankar's screenplay and Sujatha's dialogues have Rajini poking fun at himself at times. A.R.Rahman's music, the visuals and sets are mindblowing. Now on to Shriya Saran.

She is gorgeous. I can't remember the last time I saw somebody look so purrffect on screen. Its like a custom built leading lady - gorgeous yet innocent eyes, fantastic smile, knockout figure and the ability to carry every outfit that she had on in the movie.

Vivek provides the comic relief. After a prolonged absence he's returned with as much of a pop as you can expect in a Rajini movie, and he does exactly what is expected of him - provide a springboard for The Boss to come out in the 2nd half, and provide a vehicle for Sivaji's lighter side in the 1st.

Suman, who played Rajini's younger brother in Thee (back in the 80's) also returns to the screen in a new avatar - as Adiseshan, the token ever-smiling politician/rich man/white vetti sattai wearing, callipygian, badass antagonist to Sivaji.

There are a lot of well known faces cast in smaller roles. Apart from manivannan and Vadivukarasi playing the token we'll-follow-you-to-our-deathbed parents, you'll find Solomon Pappiah, Raja (Both of Patti Mandram fame) in a couple of moderately funny appearances. Nayanthara shows up looking fit and foxy in the first song, Balleilakka.

Which brings me to the songs themselves. Ever since they leaked all over the net days before the official release we've been listening to them over and over again. I went in absolutely disliking Style (Oru Koodai Sunlight) and Adhiradee, indifferent to Sahana and loving Balleilakka. When I got to actually see the songs, things turned around completely. Style is one hell of a song in the way it has been conceived and picturized. That it ties in to the story when it does come on is a big plus. It was both funny as well as cleverly original. To me this was the one song that really stood out and enjoyed the most audience approval - you could barely hear the song, most of the time. Which is always good at a premiere show.

Balleilakka was a big disappointment. It was mundane run-of-the-mill stuff that we've seen plenty of times (except for Nayanthara's new improved midriff with an alluring two pack): Rajini in some colorful costume and about 40 dancers behind him mimicking his every move. Except of course they can't quite do it the same way :-).

Sahana has an extremely extravagant set, that looks like something AVM probably dropped a couple of C's on, if not more. The result is a visually stunning extravaganza, and Shriya adds a whole new dimension to it.

You hear The Boss all through the movie, usually with a few baddie goons flying through the air, along with Sivaji's hair. Oh the hair. They've worked wonders with The Hair in this movie. As Shankar stated in his Tamil New Year's day special interview on Sun TV, they tried out different looks on Rajini based on his previous movies and found wigs that really worked. As a result you get to see hairstyles that were instrumental in moulding Rajini's image at the time of their inception. At the beginning you see Rajini from Billa (Which was the first real big hit for Rajini and the role that established him as an undeniable leading man) and then once the action gets going in the second half, its on to Rajini from Guru Sishyan (which was the first movie in the 80s that he had his hair all poofy and brushed back & up , creating the signature style of his that elevated him to cult superstar status. It was slicked down and parted before this). Personally, I like the Billa style the best. Plus there is one 'getup' of Rajini that has never been seen before - and this one totally blew my mind. Its surprising that nobody has thought of this before, but then again, possibly nobody dared to think of such a thing before.

The movie is rather long - it takes about 3 Hr 20 Min from the time the movie starts, through to the end (Intermission included). Some parts do tend to drag as you're going through some very rehashed sequences but the good parts more than make up for it. As does the style, and this movie has tonnes and tonnes of it.

Do I need to say more? Go watch it - NOW. Before you hear any spoilers (hopefully you haven't read any at this point) .

FSN's Verdict: COOOOOOL!!! (What else!)

FSN's Rating: 9/10 (Changing it from 8 because of a compelling repeatability factor )

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What's yours?

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Update: Sivaji Mania grips Chennai

Update#2: One line of Sivaji's , stands alone especially because it comes so unexpectedly.

Sivaji: "Panninga than kootama varum. Singam, single a than varum"

W-O-W!! Anybody remember any more?

Sivaji: The B.O.S.S [Bachelor of Social Service]

2007-05-30T17:17:00.000-08:00

The Sivaji Trailer is here. Pera ketta chumma adhirudhilla!! :-)

What the F#@$?

2007-05-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

The biggest debate regarding the Cricket World Cup is currently about Adam Gilchrist using a squash ball in his left (bottom) hand while batting during his epic 149 at the final. As a result, MSN India is running a poll (one of those stupid ass questions to increase hits on their pages) which is:

Was Gilchrist wrong in using a squash ball inside his batting glove in the WC final? (75) 8 May, 2007

Here is one glittering response :

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 7:09:49 AM

It is totally unethical. Australia should give the cup to India for their unethical behaviour.

Harini
Wipro

Harini V, Chennai (1)

Now, I am not familiar with the kind of interview process at Wipro, but clearly awareness isn't one of them. If anybody working at Wipro is reading this, please track down Harini V, and examine her cranium for possible cracks, leaks, holes and/or emptiness. Also, please pass on this message "Where have you been hiding out the last 4 years? Please leave the realm of cricket alone and instead go follow bedbug walking races, which you might find more suited for you to follow"

I am going to be casting a very very unfavorably jaundiced eye upon any member of the female species named Harini in the near future.....

I wonder...

2007-05-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

Given as I am to frequent bouts of self-reflection, I find myself wondering if I'm actually 'happier' being miserable in the present, with the sure hope that the near future will bring upliftment and gratification (When you hit rock bottom, there's no way to go but up and all that, right?) , than be 'miserable' being happy, with the sure knowledge that things cannot and will not always be as bright & rosy and a trough is definitely just right around the corner. This is a double-edged sword, ladies and gentlemen, for in my moments of sadness or misery I never lose hope that better things are just waiting to happen while at the same time in moments of pure joy and rapture I find myself having to keep in mind that I shouldn't get too carried away with it all because that great equalizer that is fate (& providence) is lurking just around the corner to pull the rug out from under my dancing feet.

As a result, I have to wonder if by nature I'm a happy person, or an unhappy person. One thing I definitely am or would like to consider myself as, is a watchful person after several run ins with the Rot of Human Nature, over the 26 years of my existence (the last 4 being especially significant in this regard). Andrew S. Grove seems to put this 'watchfulness' in very succinct words with his motto "Only The Paranoid Will Survive". While this is very true in the business world, and I do try to incorporate it into my work life, I am as yet unsure if it extends to the foggy,muggy and often undefined subtleties of personal/social relationships. After all, like this annoying (but often correct voice in my ear has told me on several occasions, Only the Jovial/Easygoing Enjoy and Only the Take-it-easy ones Live etc etc. Now I am not sure if said v.i.e has had the fortune (or misfortune depending on how the reader chooses to view the proverbial glass of water with its level at exactly the halfway point) of run-ins with the Rot of H.N but mine have taught me that it is better to be safe than sorry. Hackneyed words that have been beaten to death, no doubt, but I find that when I (correctly) predict the destructive behavior of one of these Dark Demons of Human Nature and my well-being results as a direct outcome of my prediction, I cannot help but tell myself "I told you so".

In this timeless exchange between George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld, we can perhaps find a clue:

George: "I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is
to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't
care, that indifference makes you attractive."
Jerry: "So, hopelessness is the key?"
George: "It's my only hope."

- George and Jerry, in "The Fix-Up" as George is trying to figure out how to appeal to women

Get movin wit da mowin...

2007-04-26T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'll break it down and I ain't no playin
My fine lawn it jus keep on growin
I need me a mover for da mower,so
Girl, get movin go on an get mowin...

I see yo body go all a splayin
As you try to get yo motor all a-goin
You can back it up or front it down,but
Girl, get movin go on an get mowin...

I wanna get a ride on that fine thang
I wanna get all da high that it gonna bring

If you runnin on empty just lemme know
I can fill yo tank full of my big flow

Forward n back you have gotta go
Speed it up or just make it slow

It don matter as long as we got it goin, so
Girl, get movin go on an get mowin...

You doin a fine job/I'll give yo that
Now be a sport / give me tit for tat
Not too much of tat /I'll tell ya now
But a whole lotta tit/ An' be mah bow-wow

Bow-wow-wow, wow-wow-wow-wow

Bow-wow-wow,wow-wow-wow-wow

Ah see yo tail, and I'm gonna grab it

I know this hurts but I just gotta have it

Gotta stop sometime coz its now a habit,

But not right now, coz I tell ya Girl,

You gonna get movin go on an get mowin...

=
-Fiery "Artoo DaGee" Sinews

Saw II0/

2007-04-05T12:27:00.000-08:00

JigSaw the killer with a higher purpose - that of making humans realize the value of the life they've been given, has had it, with Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Sachin is kidnapped and becomes a pawn in JigSaw's devious game where he must bat as if his life depended on it. Or in other words, he must bat in order to keep his MRF contract intact.

Sachin wakes up in a dark smelly room as his vision slowly returns. He feels something between hsi hands and looks down to see that there is a cricket bat tied to his hands, and a lot of rope disappearing into his pants. There are three spikes right behind him, hinged in the middle.A television screen is off to his right, which turns on suddenly. A grainy tape is played back as a grotesque misshapen head comes into view. (No, Shaun Pollock has no role to play here). A low raspy voice begins to speak.....

"Hello Sachin. I want to play a game. For too long you have been cashing in while dashing the hopes of a billion people by throwing your wicket away to balls outside off, while still making your millions. All you have to do is bat out 10 overs of incoming deliveries on and just short of a length. You will find in your hands a cricket bat, but there's a catch. It is attached to your middle stump. Also pay attention to the three spikes behind you which when struck will pivot on their hinges and rip your MRF contract to shreds. When this happens, the shredded paper will take the counter weight off the spring catch, which will result in a steel beam dropping on your Ferrari parked right below.The same pain that you put true fans through with your irresponsibility will now be your friend. How much pain are you willing to go through to protect your advertising revenue and Ferrari? Let the games begin.

What will Sachin do?

Hint: He's probably done having kids.

Note: I still love the Indian cricket team so please take this with a grain of salt. And if you're still an SRT FANatic, then please take this with a whole kilo of KCN. Appreciate it.

World Cup 2011: The Cricinfo Page

2007-04-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

[Got this on one of the mailing lists at work. Hilarious]

Sivaji: Music

2007-03-31T20:08:00.000-08:00

Found the Soundtrack of Sivaji: The Boss here . Looks like ALL the songs are out. I'm surprised that a site like Tamilmp3world has all the songs featured because the word out is that only 3 songs were outed.

Wonder if they have special 'sources'.

A Rave Look at Indian Cricket

2007-03-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

Have you guys heard about this?

Earlier today, Sachin Tendulkar shaved his head and checked into rehab. He said he wants to be prepared when heads roll, so it can go as smooth as possible :-)

As the Indian team were walking back from their match against Sri Lanka, Mahendra Singh Dhoni saw a fly sitting on their team bus and hit out in frustration. He missed - both the fly AND the bus. It is reported that even the fly was shaking its head as it flew away...

Even though it wasn't really his birthday, Yuvraj Singh, threw a party and invited the entire Bangladeshi cricket team. It reportedly turned out to be a huge bash.

In other news- Bishen Singh Bedi heavily condemned the Indian team and called for a change of captain and coach. Actually all he did was dig up whatever he said after the 2003 WC, but then he didn't have to really change anything, did he?. Today Harbhajan said Bishen was the true inspiration behind his performance in the World Cup after which angry fans found the rock under which Bhishen lives and pelted him with it.

Munaf Patel has declared that he is fully fit and raring to go. Actually he started moving on this a month ago, but got to it only now - just like his fielding.

The Indian cricket team is now looking forward to the Twenty20 world championship later this year and is well poised to win it since our batting only lasts 20 overs anyway. We have a distinct advantage here.

Note: Just felt like writing this. I still love and support Team India, even if they let us all down. Hope we will rebuild, repair and revamp our team.

Static filled Noise

2007-03-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

Its that time of the year again. This time its supposedly about Action Heroes. If you were imagining yet another bystander running into a burning building and saving lives you could not be more mistaken. Apparently this is supposed to be about people flipping situations so "you could resist, when did you give back as hard as you got".

Look at this banner on the blog:

Do I see a 'No Looking' clause up there? Excuse me! No LOOKING!

That's right. Our right to view the world through our own eyes is apparently not our right at all. It is the right of the objects that are being viewed, to determine if it will be granted to us or not.I smell something...and it smells like bull shit. Don't get me wrong - I don't think women should be forced to give up their rights rather I don't think I should have to give up mine as well. If I want to look, I should be able to look at anything or anyone I want, without getting labelled a lecher or whatever label it is that such women decide to use.

What is the real problem in looking? I see you, and I see that you see me seeing you. So that's the problem? In this case the only difference between claiming such an occurence to be blatant eve-teasing, or not even noticing it, would be a pair of sun glasses?

I mean - what are they going to do. If the 'no looking' clause is to be strictly implemented, does that mean a woman, if she suspects that a guy's peeking at her from the other side of a Ray-Ban, has the right to either assume that he is without being able to confirm her suspicions, or walk right up to him, 'be a hero', 'flip' the situation and yada yada yada?

It seems to me that many people are more caught up with getting whatever drivel they write on their blogs read by a large group of people than really sharing anything of value. "Yeah, this guy was staring at me, and I stared right back. It was extremely courageous. I fought back the piercing stare and I prevailed. I am a hero.Yay". Oh boohoo.

Granted, not many women (although it has happened) have grabbed my ass or brushed my chest. Even if it did happen, I'd probably not be disgusted, except if the woman in question is ...shall we say...not exactly appealing to the eye. Therefore I cannot experience anything like the victims of eve-teasing claim to have experienced. Fair enough. However, when someone tells me that I am inflicting emotional damage just by looking at them, I find myself extremely disinclined to agree with them.

If you are so bothered by the looks, stay indoors, please. Or drape yourself from head to toe in some sort of opaque material. I don't really care. Don't tell me I can't stare at that pretty young thing walking in front of me with the cute tank top, the short skirt and flip-flops. Don't tell me that. She's part of the public domain.Last time I checked even the people the roads are named after, don't own them.

Some women seem to take it a tad too far (based on some of the blogs I've read).They go as far as slapping the guy in public or indulging in some sort of physical manifestation of their anger. How can this be justified? I remember reading one of the comments on one such blog where some psycho was ranting about sticking pins in her top and walking around provocatively so that any guy who'd try to put his hand on her would get tanked. Stop 'walking around provocatively' biatch, and it probably won't happen to you.

Please understand, dear reader that I am not mocking the Blank Noise Project. I don't understand a) Why people who 'flip' situations are heroes and b) Why there's a 'No looking' clause on their banner. I don't have a problem with anything else. Unnecessary attention and/or physical indulgence can and should be condemned, especially if it has been indicated that this is unwelcome.

However, I've also seen the 'flip' side of things - where the woman in question chose to show off her assets in the most provocative of manners and sought and actively enjoyed any attention that was directed at her. How are we, the people (and we the men) supposed to tell one from the other?

Oh by the way, there have been several instances where I have chosen to put my body at risk by getting in-between a potential groper and a female friend. This has happened on the bus of bliss that we call the MTC (in Chennai), on the train and even in da clubs.Therefore, I have been a 'hero' several times over.I don't think it had as much to do with standing up for all women as it did with making sure I could take care of my friend in that particular situation.

You don't have to necessarily share my opinion, but please, do not write me half-baked comments laden with abuse on how I don't understand women's issues and all that. After all, would you treat your heroes that way? :-)

Can They Do It?

2007-02-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

[From Cricinfo]

Sourav Ganguly, Rahul Dravid & Sachin Tendulkar have been the lynchpins of Indian batting for well over 11 years (together). They will possibly never again play a World Cup together ever again (They are 34, 34 & 33 at the moment). All we need is for them to play up to their potential and the results will come.

Will they do it?

Wild Hogs : First Look

2007-02-25T12:59:00.000-08:00

Wild Hogs, a laugh-out-riot of a story about riding in search of adventure and finding an unforgettable experience motors on, with hardly a skid and takes you along for the ride.

Doug (Tim Allen), Woody (John Travolta), Bobby (Martin Lawrence) and Dudley (William H. Macy) are four friends who have been relegated to the backburners of middle-aged suburban adulthood. Doug is a Dentist, and is having a hard time reconciling the fact that his kid thinks he's 'uncool' and his wife thinks he's 'getting old'. Woody's having financial troubles and divorce issues. Bobby's taken a year off from his very 'pressing' work to write a book while being yelled at everyday by his overbearing wife and nitpicking mother-in-law. Dudley is a Computer-Programmer (read Geek) who has a hard time meeting and engaging women.

Taken separately these are four individuals are shadows of their former younger selves, but collectively and on their machines, they are the Wild Hogs - named so more because Doug's wife stitched the patches on their motorcycle jackets than anything else. You get the picture. As they're sitting at their favorite watering hole, Paul Teutul Sr. with Jr. in tow (From American Chopper on TLC) walks by and throws in a few digs. Woody decides he's had enough and wants to hit the open road on a road trip from Cincinnati (where they live) to the Pacific Coast. He sees it as a way for all of them to 'get away from it all' and convinces the other 3 to ride along on a back to basics trip with no cellphones (he trashes everybody's phones right at the outset).

As the 4 hit the open road, what follows is an extremely hilarious joyride. Throw in 3 self-proclaimed macho guys and 1 geek and what you get are some very funny homophobic gags (pun intended) and situation comedy. You laugh at how inept these guys have become at truly roughing it as they attempt to leave behind any lingering traces of pristine suburban life.

On the way, they rub a gang of motorcycle riders, The Del Fuegos led by Jack (Ray Liotta of Goodfellas makes a fantastic alpha male leader) the wrong way as Woody decides to teach them a lesson that ends up blowing up in everybody's faces, and takes their bar/hangout out as well.

Stopping by your typical average small town, Madrid (its MAD-Rid) and with The Del Fuegos riding to every nearby town in search of some Hog Meat, our fantastic four encounter Maggie (A ravishing Marisa Tomei) who owns the local bar cum diner, Maggie's. The town has been plagued by The Del Fuegos in the past and to top it all , Dudley takes a liking to Maggie as well. Now it is up to the Wild Hogs to stay together, face The Del Fuegos, stand up for themselves & everybody around and have a rolllllicking good time while doing it all.

Tim Allen is credited over John Travolta, which although surprising is probably understandable, since he delivers a sizeable portion of the laughs. Martin Lawrence has some memorable lines as does John Travolta. William H. Macey plays the lovable Geek and chips in with some slapstick every now and then.

The 4 stars have great chemistry on screen. For any relationship on screen to be successful, you have to be able to imagine the getting on with their lives off screen when we aren't privvy to their every move and this they are able to achieve effortlessly.The friendship amongst the guys has also been portrayed very well and very authentically. It does not feel forced.They bicker, joke and prattle at each other all through, along with some good-natured ribbing.

Wait and watch until the end credits roll because it features some extremely hilarious scenes of The Del Fuegos getting a new biker bar courtesy of The Extreme Makeover Home Edition with some key gang members displaying atypical reactions to the sight of their new bar.

Peter Fonda (Of Easy Rider, one of the most beloved cult biker movies of all time) makes a surprise appearance as Damien Blade, the granddaddy of the roads and talks some sense into Jack and the Del Fuegos.

I really liked this movie because it seemed to strike a chord within.Wild Hogs is about coming to terms with the part of you that craves excitement and seeks new adventures irrespective of what stage you are at, in life.

FSN's Verdict: Extremely appealing to guys and probably funny for the rest as well. Has some crude humor and sexual overtones.

FSN's Rating: 9/10

What's yours?

A dash of wisdom

2007-02-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had to get 3 of my wisdom teeth extracted, all at the same time. It was no picnic, let me tell you that, but thankfully the dentist decided to put me on local anaesthesia. Which, is pretty much put me to sleep for the duration of the surgery. It was the first time I was undergoing this procedure, and admittedly I was nervous. Not about the procedure itself - if I wasn't conscious I didn't really care what they were doing to me as long as I could wake up and find the entire thing over and done with.

Instead, my mind, my precious mind was doing its thing - which is conjuring up a myriad of possibilities on things that could go wrong. Therefore as I entered the room where the procedure was to be carried out, the usual spring in the step was markedly missing.

Let me tell you about the dentist's chair. It is one of the most formidable environments you will ever find yourself in. You're lying down, mouth open, bright light shining in your eyes and about 4 people are looking down on you with a practised expressionless look on their faces. Its not good. Im in R&D. I need to feel like I understand what's going on. Im sure if they explained it, I would be abe to grasp the situation. However there is absolutely no dialogue with the dentist. Instead they start off with those annoying high speed, rotary drills that pretty much serve to make the inside of my head feel like an automobile in the chop shop with all that noise. Oh - there's a door coming off...etc.

Anyway they decide to take a blood pressure reading. I had to be wearing a full sleeved shirt and therefore was requested to remove it. So there I was helpless AND shirtless. Great, can this get any worse? Turns out it could. The assistant who was fitting the bp monitor on me was - to put it mildly , extremely well endowed and shapely. A pair of doe shaped eyes with thick lashes did not help me in any way. Hence when she bent over to give my shooting blood pressure reading a closer look, it only made things worse. I was asked if I had high bp. Hell no. But I have very keen eyesight. Didnt help that the other equally gifted assistant was complimenting me on my hair and pushing it back, ever so gently with her fingertips so she could put a cap over it.

Didn't help at all.

Anyhoooo, they put a little mask over my head and turned on the Nitrous oxide or as it is aptly named, laughing gas. I started to giggle like a 6 year old girl (or like some 25 year olds) in pigtails for I found the entire situation very funny. Doe eyes said something like "well it is called laughing gas" and was giggling lightly in one of those 'awwww cho chweet' ways. I know the 'aww cho chweet' manner when I see/hear one. This was definitely it. When I woke up it was all done. Doe eyes helped walk me around the clinic and I had to hold on firmly because...well I'd just gotten out of surgery.

My mouth felt very sensitive and sore. I had just had three living, growing objects sprung from the life-force of my upper and lower jaws cruelly ripped from their warm and cosy nestbeds by the cold hard steel of the dentist's instruments. Where there were three strong, mighty wisdom teeth, there only remained 3 cruel, painful hollow pulps. If you think this hurt, you are right. However nothing was as painful as the so called 'jokes' that I was about to receive.

Imagine the same joke, repeated by about 15 people at 25-30 different times and you will know what I mean. People were calling me up to somehow cleverly work in a question about which teeth I had gotten extracted, and had I now lost all my wisdom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Devilishly funny isn't it. I could almost sense the big curveball (!!??) coming in the mostly one-sided conversation. "So.....your teeth are missing huh? Is that all that's missing?" *PREGNANT PAUSE* (Groaaaaaaaannnn here we go.....quick say something...ouch that hurts...okay think of doe eyes) "Or.....*another pause for the punchline* did you lose your wisdom along with it? Hohohohohohohohohoho".

I could only make some grunts which were supposed to loosely indicate that I had not lost my sense of humor along with whatever it is that I'd lost (God, what if they manage to work this into the 'joke' as well).

Made me gnash my teeth - it did and of course that wasn't good for anything. Thankfully there was a Playstation 2 nearby and I was able to put all that frustration into kicking some tail on Madden 07 with the Seahawks. Bring those Saints on - I said. I'll knock their teeth out. They could do with some wisdom, because they look like they've lost theirs.

Haha.

Smartass Math

2007-02-21T11:19:00.000-08:00

Hehe.This one made me chuckle....

Team India Apparel

2007-02-20T13:31:00.001-08:00

Team India Apparel is now available on Amazon.com , and yes in the U.S of A. Regular cricket gear also seems to be available , albeit kind of pricey if you convert to Indian rupees (my advice is DONT!).

Never thought I'd see the day that cricket gear is sold on Amazon.com. [By The Big Blue Cricket Co. ]
Nike India has also come out with a new set of outfits for the Indian Cricket Team. I have heard a couple of people mention that our players' shirts looked kind of shiny, and we now have the answer to that - apparently the shirts are made from Nike's award-winning Dri-Fit technology.

Remember the days when our cricketers used to sweat it out in full sleeved white shirts? Funny to think about that, now.

Returning The Favor

2007-02-03T17:15:00.000-08:00

A note: I'm working on a couple of posts at the moment albeit rather slowly, and therefore will pull up one from the vault. I wrote this post one fine day a few months ago, when I'd just about had it with the way Indians were being treated at those visa offices the world over.I also start drinking and by the time I was done, voila - so was the post . Therefore, please read the disclaimer, below :-)

Disclaimer: This post contains a lot of subtle references to swear words, hints at political incorrectness but I think it kicks ass. You've read up until this point despite what I've said.You're in before you're out. Read on mah fine friend...
=============================================
The Year is 2020 A.D. India has attained THE VISION and is flourishing to such an extent that people from the U.S. are trying their best to get in. Students start preparing from their sophomore year to take the FRE, or Foreigner Record Examination. This is for all foreigners trying to get into India.You see there are two kinds of people in India (And none are hyphenated.There are no Chinese-Indians or Korean-Indians or American-Indians - well they are all in America).This is INDIA mo'fo's.There are only two kinds of people. Indians and Foreigners.
=
This is a time of prosperity, a time of great progress. Above all it is time to RETURN THE FAVOR .
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Which means, as a rule treat ALL Angrezis to a jaundiced eye.If they're American - hell they work for us. They've outsourced everything including the job of the CEO.This is because a) We are too busy makin money to be chasin a ball from one hole to another for 4 hours b) Our CEO's don't get caught.Doing ANYTHING.We're smart - even when we're doing something dumb.Aishwarya Rai is THE hottest MILF in the world.
=
Anyway you get the picture.
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It is time to give back as good as we got, or even gooder.(This is part of the new Indian English which we have followed for decades and will force upon every amreekan entering the land...)
=
Mr.Morgan Stanley, of NewYork, NewYork wants to get the special FU-66 visa for foreign workers which gives them the benefit of having only one probe stuck in their ass to ensure they don't blow anything up, overstay or in general tarnish our fine country.The bastards.Why do they want to come in here anyway? Don't we have enough people as it is? Sure we have HISTORY that actually dates far back, rich cultural heritage that is our own.Don't they have that.....never mind.

He has heard about a new visa rule (they change the visa rules every month, except every other month when they change it twice a month.Not knowing when the rule changes, results in an automatic rejection) where, due to the large population of India, a certain number of visa applicants are flushed down during every visa interview.These applicants are selected by hitting the RND button on a calculator - so the government assures the applicants that it is entirely random. Nothing to do with profiling.Sometimes a visa officer might hit numbers 0 through 9, or even the +, which means everybody in that line gets rejected.Ajanta calculators mo fo's.Thoroughly reliable.This is what banks all over the world are usin anyway.

He sweats it out 2 weeks prior to his visa interview. He gets the required 500 pages of documents, after making 200 copies of his birth certificate.Yeah - every foreigner needs 500 pages of documents, irrespective of whether they are repetitive or not.We want to ensure foreigners can withstand the daily pressures of life in India.Life is tough.There's no 'easy' button here.(Consequently no Staples.We do have GEM clips though)

He prepares for a week - using all 8 high-end models of Ajanta calculators.He hits the rnd button 197 times on each (because the damn Energizer batteries went dead.Can't read the print on the Ajanta Calculator user manual for foreigners which states only use Eveready batteries.Dumbass).Takes an average. Figures out that the numbers that result most often are either 7 or 22 (This is true.All through 2nd year of college, only roll numbers 7 or 22 were picked on in one of our classes)

Finally gets to the visa interview.Visa officer tries to pronounce his name."Morg...Morgan...am I saying it right? You must have people struggle to say your name properly.It is indeed rare to find a foreigner with such a name.I'll call you S.Murugan with intial"
He gets his visa made out to S.Murugan.(That's right beeyatch.How you likin it when it gets done to you, now?)

The officer at the immigration desk in Chennai, Tamil Nadu India sees the apparent discrepancy."Stupid foreigner coming in with wrong name on document".Just as Morgan Stanley expected, the name is now changed. To S.Murugan on his passport.
Welcome to India - S.Murugan.

We have millions of former F-1 visa holders from the US, in this country now.They are all lined up and frothing at the mouth. Waiting their turn. It is time to return the favor.

This is opeening.You see endeeng.

Air India Does It Again...

2007-01-10T12:41:00.000-08:00

Read this firsthand account of yet another harrowing experience with Air India. Hopefully people will keep this in mind the next time somebody wants to save $75 by flying with Air India.
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Its just not worth it - especially during International travel. You're exhausted as it is, with the long flying times and cramped seating (assuming of course you travel Economy like I do).

Rocky Balboa: Full Circle

2006-12-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Rocky Balboa - comes full circle with the latest installment of the Rocky series. Just like the protagonist Rocky, the franchise seems beaten up but not quite ready to fade away without one last hurrah.

Its almost like re-visiting Rocky I. Rocky Balboa is a down-and-almost-out has-been in Philly, all alone, by himself with only his indomitable spirit left in him. He still lingers in the glory of days past, in happier times when he ruled the boxing world. He owns and manages a restaurant and this seems to be the focal point of his life. He's left with a son who prefers to distance himself from who his father is, apparently trying to get away from having lived his entire life in Rocky's 'big shadow' . He appears truly uncomfortable to be recognized as Rocky's son, and this sets up one of the most inspiring moments in the film: When Rocky passes on some words of wisdom to his son - about life and what it takes to truly stand up and fight.

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place... and no matter how tough you think you are, it'll always bring you to your knees and keep you there, permanently... if you let it. You or nobody ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. If you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit.

Coming from Rocky Baloba, who is the very embodiment of The Ultimate Underdog, that hits home.

Paulie (Burt Young) is back. Once you get past how depressingly mundane Rocky's life has become (and sort of looping back on his situation in Rocky I), the real story begins. A computer simulation shows Rocky Balboa in his prime, knocking the socks off the current "undisputed, undefeated" heavyweight champion of the world,Mason 'The Line' Dixon (Played by former light heavyweight champion of the world in real life, Antonio Tarver) who is already on a slide in terms of popularity and respect in the eyes of the media which labels him as having never had to face a really tough fight to truly display the heart of a champion. As we know by now, Rocky Balboa has heart, if anything. Lots of it.

Rocky and The Line watch it at the same time. Rocky decides he wants to get back to fighting because that is what he loves the most. He applies for a boxing license and after the committee in-charge decides to reject it, winds up giving the expected speech about going after what you love, being able to take the chance to do so etc etc. In short he gets the license. At the time, Mason's people decide an exhibition match against The Legendary"Italian Stallion", would do their boy a world of good, generate $$ and at the same time piggyback off of Rocky's glorious past. Thus we come to (what we hope is) Rocky's Legacy. One final display of his grit, courage and heart.

The Fight: To be honest, even with the improved film production and post-production technology available today, the fight is not as appealing or as gut-wrenchingly see-sawing as Rocky Balboa Vs Apollo Creed, from Rocky I. You sort of expect the same dying-man-grabbing-at-his-lifesaver desperation from Rocky and while its still there in a way, the intensity seems missing. However you can still appreciate the fight for what its worth. Rocky's trademark throughout the entire series is to be able to take his opponent's hits, wear them down with sheer tenacity and then hit back - and this he does with a relish. You almost know its coming.

Without giving too much away, Rocky stands tall and delivers.He goes out on a high (which is the dream of every sportstar) and earns the respect of everybody in and watching the fight. His life also takes a turn for the better, and all is well at the end. You can appreciate that he's been through a lot, but maybe things won't be so bad anymore. A happy ending,in other words.

There are a few things that I did not like - Milo Ventimiglia, who plays his son for instance. Not really what you can call a powerful performance. Stallone as the director has some serious problems keeping the story moving briskly. Towards the end, the movie appears too sugar-coated , too watered-down to really hit home. Maybe I'm biased because Im such a big fan of Rocky I & II and I have fond memories of Rocky's war with Apollo Creed. However, Rocky's still the underdog in this one and you still want him to overcome his odds and come out strong. You WANT him to. That's where the movie truly delivers, as Rocky is back to dispel inspiration to people to stand up and fight. Hit back, so to speak.

FSN's Verdict: Nice movie. It will appeal to you more if you've watched and appreciated the earlier films - at least Rocky I.

FSN's Rating: 7/10

What's yours?

The Budda Call

2006-12-20T16:14:00.000-08:00

This is hilarious!!!
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Some radio show where the husband gets caught with his pants well and truly down by his wife, and on air, that too.
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Make sure you're in a room with good soundproofing and insulation, coz you'll be laughing your head off

Sreesanth Versus Nel

2006-12-18T12:02:00.000-08:00

This happened on day 3 in the first test match between India and South Africa, on Dec 17th, 2006.

The background: Andre Nel, is a really intimidating bowler, who likes to mouth off to the batsman after almost every delivery.The previous delivery, he bowled a short ball that had Sreesanth playing and missing. What followed was a verbal volley indicating that Sreesanth did not have 'the heart' to play the short stuff.

The Player: Santhakumaran Sreesanth,India's bowling spearhead and the #10 batsman, who likes to do a little mouthing off himself.

The Answer: Well, see for yourself :-). Watch for Nel's face at the end. Priceless!!

Revving Engines: Racing Hearts

2006-12-14T13:35:00.000-08:00

The racing track. In some ways, a parody of life itself, sometimes simpler ,sometimes more complicated.
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When I look at the track for the first time, I take a while to drink it all in. I like to keep it simple. Rather than get ahead of myself and start plotting overtaking & braking zones, I prefer to ride the track and see what it has to offer. This might be one reason why the first time I race on track, I'm all over the place. I'm just in for the ride and also testing the track in terms of what I can do. However, a couple of more drives on the track and I begin to understand how things go. Rather than look at the person in front of me, I prefer to study myself and how I maneuver the track.
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As in life, the track is unforgiving. Full of twists and turns. Rather than hope for somebody's mistake, you must look within. Examine your actions and determine, on the fly how you'd best like to make the necessary adjustments. It may take a little tinkering, but when you get it right, you get it right.
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That was the case this past Tuesday, when my buddy VinDhaloo and I decided to take to the track after a not-so-busy day at work. Like I said, I don't like to plan these things out, and so I didn't think about things too much, until I actually got on track. There were 10 racers totally, and I started at #10. Always a good spot - for you can look at the field, take your time to warm up the tyres and start the mission.
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VinDhaloo having spent an entire day at the racing track on one long corporate sponsored event in the past, has arguably fared better than me in previous visits. However, something was different this time. Not only was he not pulling away like a newly uncaged wild animal scampering away for the annual jungle family reunion, but I was actually closing the gap. Fast. Just as I was licking my lips at the prospect of some overtaking ass-whooping, a driver error up ahead (not necessarily his, although the fact that he couldn't avoid it meant there was at least a fraction of an error on his part) meant that he found himself part of a 3 car pileup. Intent on following a racing line that took me around the aforementioned pileup, I did not even so much as venture a glance in their direction. The track, I felt was calling out to me.
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The steering wheels were extensions of my hands, and the pedals extensions of my feet, it seemed. I remember thinking at several instances on track that this was sheer bliss. The adrenaline was pounding its way through my body as my kart was kissing the racing line around the track. It seemed surreal - almost an out of body experience at times. It was like I was in a racing game, able to hit the controls at will, but almost as if I were watching the entire drive in a 3rd person's perspective.
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Now on to the overtaking. I always enjoy a dogfight, irrespective of whether I end up on the winning or the losing side. Especially when things are out of my control. There were a couple of spectacular corner-overtaking maneuvers that I was proud to have carried off, easing the nose of my kart just ahead of the other, braking just that fraction of a second later,carrying more speed into the corner even as I got into the inside line to take the next. I did figure out, on the fly, that I was making a significant mistake which cost me valuable cornering speed at the last right, hitting the gas too early which led to some unnecessary lateral movement as I rounded the corner.
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There was lots of bumping on track, as you'd expect when 10 guys are driving (this is not a sexist attitude.This is based on what I've observed.If Danica Patrick were on track with me, I' pretty sure she'd be all over me - that's not a bad thing is it? :-) ) . Most of all I had the one thing on track that always gets just about any racer foaming at the mouth - the dogfight.
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The dogfight is probably the most important part of a race - evenly matched racers jostling for position, studying each other's moves, racing lines, braking maneuvers and acceleration points. I had one such dogfight with Mr.BlueStripedShirt or BSS. I started the race from 10th place and finished in 5th. Not bad at all. Especially on a pretty tight technical circuit. BSS and I were pretty much wheel to wheel, fighting for 4th, and there was a lot of overtaking - as we came around to lap some of the back markers. However, he caught up to me on a critical section of the track - the left turn before the right hairpin and managed to get on the inside right. I was forced to go off the racing line to try to get around him and at this critical juncture , one of the idiots from behind must have forgotten to brake because he barreled right into me. That did it for the fight for 4th, and I came to know of two things at once. It would be extremely hard for me to catch up to BSS as a result of the precious seconds that I'd lost. Two, the fact that his getting ahead of me meant so much to him that he took both hands off the wheel for an instant to indluge in some crazy fist pumping. You don't celebrate that way until you overtake somebody that you really really wanted to overtake. Guess it was as much of an enjoyable dogfight for him as it was for me.
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All in all, a very enjoyable 20 straight minutes on track. VinDhaloo was nowhere in sight for about 18 minutes of the race, stuck far behind me. I had a lot of fun rubbing this in as well, although he blames his kart. In this visit, I seem to have understood the track completely, achieved significantly better laptimes than VinDhaloo and had a blast doing it. I cannot wait to go back - and possibly get into a dogfight with VinDhaloo.
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#10 to #5 the last time - and don't you forget it. Its race on, mate!!

A Random Thought on Marriage

2006-12-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

[My last few posts seem to be on marriage as well. Ye gads. That's scary]

As far as I know, there's no international law/agreement on marriage. So, if your work takes you to a couple of different countries, could you be married to somebody different in each of them? Say a person works in the U.S for 6 months and India in the remaining 6 months (which by itself would be the cornerstone of a dream job). Could he have one wife in the US (his status in the U.S is 'married') and also have one wife in India? [Whether each knows about the other is immaterial, as is the ethical point of view on this topic. I am merely speculating. ]. Wouldn't that be great?

Go back after 6 months, get pampered by the wife, and just when you're about to get bored, you leave, and go back again (to the other country) and get pampered all over again. [Maybe we'll have another movie like this coming out soon, who knows. ]. Its not technically polygamy, is it? Its two different countries. Two country codes. [Just like that age old male axiom about it not being cheating if you're in a different zip code from your girlfriend/fiancee'/wife. NOT MY WORDS, THOUGHTS or IDEAS, mind you. I come across a lot of pop-culture references to this in the U.S].

Of course the only caveat - two mothers-in-law. I haven't experienced it yet, but I've been told one is quite a handful.

Maybe that's what's preventing anybody (I know) from trying it.

And He's Back

2006-11-30T12:06:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. Look Who's back in the Indian Test Team - Sourav Chandidas Ganguly.

Say what you want about the man and his limitation against the short stuff. This guy has proven time and again that he has balls.
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While announcing the team, Vengsarkar put the decision down to experience. "If you look at the performances in South Africa, our batting has failed. We need experienced players like Laxman and Ganguly." [From Cricinfo]

Ganguly had a spectacular fall from grace, highlighted by a bitter and public dispute with coach Greg Chappell, during and after the tour of Zimbabwe last year. Asked whether the equation had bothered the selectors in taking this decision, Vengsarkar's response was pithy: "We have picked a team for India. Not for anybody else."

NOT for anybody else. How about that? I don't know what went on behind the scenes (Since Ganguly quit his Bengal captaincy a few days before the official team was picked] but already it looksl to me like the Chairman of Selectors atleast is thinking. Which is more than I can say for Kiran Moron and his bunch of incompetent retards. [Remember the 'bowling allrounder' comment when Ganguly was picked last year?]

Ganguly might perform, or he might not - time will tell. However, there is a lesson to be learned here, for all of us. Think back to the start of the year when former players and the media were saying that Ganguly should retire, and retire 'gracefully'. Well he didn't take that lying down did he? He decided he wanted to play on, and he was going to try his best to get back. He believed in himself. We've been hearing consistent quotes and reports from Ganguly all through this season and every time it seemed like he was optmistic of working his way back into the Indian team.

More than a year ago, Rahul Dravid profited immensely from the ban on Ganguly, which resulted in him taking over the reins and sustaining his position. It is now Ganguly's (and Laxman's ) turn to profit from Dravid's absence. I don't like the way this season is going, and I'm not sure to what extent the Coach and Captain are alone responsible for that. However, it seems to be very clear that we need to try something different and go back to proven performers over these crash-and-burn youngsters that we seem to be trying to 'blood'.

Let me also ask the question that almost everybody is asking: WHAT THE FUCK IS SACHIN RAMESH FUCKING TENDULKAR doing in the team? Like I read somewhere, He was only 99 runs away from his 41st century in the previous match. The asshole has been riding the reputation wave for too long, IMO. It might just be a co-incidence but the Indian Team's purple patch last season might have had something to do with the fact that Mr.SRT was out of the team almost the whole season, and all we had were fighters intent on going all the way and out to prove something. It doesn't take too much to drag a team down - all you need is one guy who doesn't deserve to be there. Lets hope this new found enlightenment on the part of the selectors spills over into cutting senior players from the team if they need to. Sachin can go back to domestic cricket and see if he rediscovers some of that form that he displayed in WC2003.

After all, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

P.S - PLEASE save the "Sachin is God", "how dare you talk about Sachin" and stats on exactly what he did in Sharjah versus Australia, in the last fucking millennium. Been there - heard that.

Behind The Scenes

2006-11-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

Over the holiday weekend, I happened to meet a distant relative of mine,Bean*. She has a son, whom we shall refer to as Kapi*. Now this Kapi*, is a rather handsome- looking, strapping young lad of about 18, who is in the entertainment business. He is quite well-known apparently, and is currently featured on one of the many shows on tv. I knew this was going to be a golden opportunity to observe the Milk of Human Nature (MoHNa), as I like to call it and I wasn't disappointed.

Bean*, it appears will not let a single chance go by, to pimp out her son. And I do mean pimping. This inclues accosting any random passers-by who make eye contact with Kapi*, asking if they recognized the star, introducing herself as the mother and proceeding forth with anecdotes on how when Kapi* visited his cousin's school there were crowds of screaming teenagers who had to be restrained on a subsequent visit by the teacher to allow Kapi* to watch his cousin's basketball game. (Trust me I know this story because I've heard it being told some 18 times in the space of a couple of days). Every sentence seems to start out with "Kapi*...." or "When Kapi*..." well you get the drift. She even brought an Indie Film that Kapi* played a small part (but pretty darn good, let me tell you. He's got talent for sure) in and ensured that she sufficiently drowned out the dialogue in the movie by adding her own live-feed voiceover to 'explain' the movie to people who couldn't understand. (Well they could have - if she'd let them listen).

There were stories about Kapi* on set (where everybody seems to have mentioned to her that he is "a good looking boy with lots of talent". Apparently she doesn't want them to keep telling him that, but is okay with repeating the stories right in front of him). There were stories about a trip to the beach which ended up with a legion of screaming, female, teenage Kapi* fans. =

She'd repeat these exact stories to each and every person she met over the weekend. I'm not kidding. With my affinity for any chance at observing The MoHNa, I managed to stick to her and observe away. It was the exact set-up, the exact money shot and the exact follow-through each time around. I wonder how long she's had to polish her story.

A brief analysis of Kapi* himself shows that he's a typical teenager in some ways. What does NOT help is the constant mollycoddling by Bean*, the expensive cell-phone-toy, the constant messaging ("Oh it must be one of his many girls" said the mother on ab0ut 4 different occasions, each time wearing a proud li'l smirk on her face.). He' is told on a consistent basis how good looking and wonderful he is and he knows it. Any attention that he attracts seems to power-shock Bean* into repeating her stories all over again. The adults did not seem to like this behavior one bit and yet seemed supportive of him when he really needed it.

I could not help but wonder the whole time how this complex scenario will work out in the future. Clearly the mom is living vicariously through her son, and in complete almost unbelievable excess. The son, is trying his best to keep a level head but seems to be fighting a losing battle , what with Bean* seizing every available opportunity (and fabricating a few more) to promote, market, brand, distribute and sell her son and his talent, if not for money at least for attention. Somebody mentioned that Hollywood is full of such teenage talents now completely washed out and waiting tables. He's standing at the threshold of entering college, and I cannot help but wonder how he will handle it. Time will tell.

This was my first real behind-the-scenes look at the family life of a (moderate) celebrity. The one thing that hit me instantly was the pressure. Pressure to continue looking good no matter what he does (His uncle was giving him flak for spending way too much time in the bathroom, on his hair and money on his clothes). Pressure from his mom overloading his sensory impulses with stories of the past. Above all pressure to somehow translate this initial success into a lasting career, while having a good-enough second string backup (read a business degree, which reportedly is Hollywood's advice to him). His dad seems supportive and loving while trying to play-down Bean's* 'marketing' attempts. We read all the time about Hollywood A-listers trying to preserve their privacy and in some ways their sanity and pleading to be left alone from the constantly probing public eye.Perhaps there is something to that after all.

All the right reasons...

2006-11-23T23:19:00.000-08:00

Right. So the last comment of my previous post seems to have generated so much speculation that I thought I'd write a quick follow-up on that.

"Yeah sure.There's something called Love. That's why chicks think its more 'convenient' to marry a Doctor or a Dentist"

First things first. This was NOT written out of spite. Please don't picture a bollywood-like flick where the girl has chosen the doc over me, and now I'm growing out a beard and alternating between singin songs with a half bottle of whiskey & writing blog posts while wallowing in a lake of self-pity. If that happens, there'll be one less doctor in this world to worry about. I'll even write a book later titled 'If I did it' haha. Okay okay - I'm kiddin.

Somebody sent me an sms forward a long time ago that's stayed in my mind up until now. It said: "Don't marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you cannot live without". Sure its got a little bit of a cheese factor in it - but it hits the nail right on the head doesn't it?

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IMHO, when we make decisions that are going to affect our lives, we need to be careful we're making them for the right reasons. Especially when it comes to a life-changing decision like marriage. (Of course I'm not married, but I's have an opinion and I's gonna shout 'bout it).

If you're desi you probably expect to get married once in your lifetime. Would you not like that someone to want to be with you for who you really are, rather than the money you make, or the job you hold or how convenient the whole thing would be? I'd personally be insulted if I ever found out somebody's with me for reasons other than wanting to be with me for who I really am.

Lets take the dentist/doctor scenario. One of the comments was: "By doing so-marrying someone who is more successful and can make her life convenient-she has maximized the chances of success for her offspring".

In this case, what if the guy decides he doesn't want to be a doctor anymore - after 3 years of marital bliss he now wants to do what he's always wanted to do - be an artist. Is the girl's attitude towards him going to change along with the job? Will he have to give up his dreams and his aspirations just so the girl will stay with him and enjoy the money from a job he now hates?

Isn't it better to do things because you really want to? Be with people because you really want to and not because you like the perks that come bundled with them. How would you feel if somebody did that to you.

Oh hey girl, I only wanted to be with you coz you had a smokin hot body and those curly locks. Now you've put on some weight, the hair's shorter and I dont want to see you anymore. Scram. Split. Vamoose.

It is my firm belief that I should absolutely want to do whatever I'm doing, with every fiber of my being. Otherwise its just a waste of my breath.There would be no purpose to anything.Life would be rendered meaningless. Even the remote suggestion that somebody would choose to do something for the rest of their lives (presumably) for the sole purpose of the fringe benefits that it offers, is disgusting in its entirety. I cannot fathom it. I cannot digest it.

Therefore, this is a reminder - to myself to live my life. And to make it count.

Occupation: Housewife

2006-11-17T14:22:00.001-08:00

It just amazes me whenever I see somebody writing in 'Housewife' under 'Occupation' on one of those obnoxious forms that you have to fill out from time to time which requires details about yourself that you've never even thought of. I mean, is that really an occupation?

To the housewife - I'm sure what you do occupies your time.Sometimes you may even be pre-occupied with it. You might be very happy doing it, or not (After all, 70% of people hate their jobs).However, is it an occupation?

If it were an occupation, lets consider the perks shall we:

1. Flexible Hours - Unless there's a nosy Chair(wo)man of the Board, a.k.a Mother-In-Law around, you can get away with slacking on the job.What- is your husband who probably works 60 hours a week to support you going to come home and find that there is a patch on the sink that you weren't able to clean?

2. No vacation Cap - Self-explanatory

3. No performance reviews - If you're at a point where you've established the advantages of your position to your employer-husband, you are probably irreplaceable. What's he going to do - go through a divorce, and re-marry? (Remember he'll have to train his emplloyee all over again)

4. Sex On The Job - How many of us wish we could have this one :). Not only do you get to have sex on the job, it is considered a primary requirement. You get credit for doing it.

At this point in life I've seen quite a few housewives (Dependent visa) come over to the US as a 'dependent' (To the husband: That word by itself should tell you what you're in for). Which means there are restrictions on where she can work and what she can do. Most of em just sit around the house or drive the guy's $35,000 dream sports sedan around, shopping or engaging in other activities to keep themselves 'occupied'.

Why is it so important to keep themselves occupied? What if they were un-occupied?Is there a problem? Does boredom kill? Get a job.

The other problem is since they're not used to hard-work , they start to gain weight. This results in a disagreeable increase in intake to provide for sustained lateral growth. Not a good sign.

In this modern world where there are almost equal opportunities available to women as they are to men (if not even more so, after all most men don't have tits) what do you call a person who gets money, boarding and lodging in exchange for services rendered such as: cooking,cleaning and coupling?

[Yeah sure.There's something called Love. That's why chicks think its more 'convenient' to marry a Doctor or a Dentist]

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Some Necessary Clarifications

1.Subject under discussion is the typical stay-at-home-desi-housewife you typically find in the U.S.A, who is there by her own choice and not by circumstance.

2. I am not writing this out of spite . i.e I was not married to one such housewife who sat at home for 4 years doing nothing, then decided to put me through a messy divorce , taking the house, my car and the kids

3. I am not married, and hope to stay that way for a few more years.

4. No woman/girl/female left me to get married to a doctor/dentist/exponent of the medical profession nor any other rich/poor/middle-class male or female.

5. Phew!

On PRESSURE

2006-11-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

Pressure occurs only when the task at hand is more difficult than your skill

-Morten Andersen, Kicker for the Atlanta Falcons , along with other kickers who might know a thing or two about pressure, on ESPN.com.

Something to think about for all of us....perhaps?
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This certainly rings true to me. After all, everybody should and would know what their skill level is exactly, and while linining up a kick (For you soccer fans, think of a penalty kick with the game on the line). It also seems like we could take this and apply it to everyday life.
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Where does pressure come from?
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Maybe this article will provide some insights.
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meanwhile, does anybody have any ideas? I'm going to think about this...

Borat Is Make Great Success

2006-11-05T02:55:00.000-08:00

Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan - and what cultural learnings indeed. First things first - I saw almost everybody leave the theatre with a smile and in the end that's what matters. The movie runs for 84 minutes and I must have been laughing hysterically for about 75 of them. I honestly cannot remember the last movie that I laughed so much for.
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THIS MOVIE IS SIDE-SPLITTINGLY HILARIOUS!!!!
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It is a lot like the over-the-top humor of South Park, and deals with a lot of issues of modern-day xenophobic America. The plot is simple : Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen, recently seen as the rival french racer in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby star of Da Ali G Show on HBO) , a reporter for a Kazakh TV station is sent to America to learn their culture to make benefit of Kazakhstan. His travels take him across the country from New York City to L.A , where he meets ,interacts and shakes the be-jeesus out of every American he meets. While he's at it he rips on Jews, Women, Feminism, Etiquette, Homosexuals, Jews, Women, Virgins, Americans and even the American National Anthem. The movie is largely unscripted as the film crew has captured real people in real situations. (Think Curb Your Enthusiasm, with only Borat and his crew knowing what will happen)
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Expect a good dose of gross-out slapstick comedy albeit blended with a sharp wit that lurks forever under the surface. Borat preys upon people's inherent discomfort with subjects like homosexuality and religion. There is THIS SCENE, which has never before been seen to the extent it is portrayed and executed, in mainstream cinema. You'll know what I mean when you watch. It is hilarious in its sheer audacity (somebody had to come up with it ) but will also cause you to cringe, several times.

Baron Cohen manages to stay true to character throughout although you do get to see the softer side of Borat in this one.that right folks - there's more to Borat than meets the eye (I guarantee you, you get to see all of him - well almost). Don't miss this one - especially with a host of other kick-ass movies coming soon.

Such as.....

Casin0

=== R0yale=____

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In a Nutshell: Borat Punks America

The Verdict: Great flavor. Not-so-great aftertaste.
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FSN's Rating: 8.5/10
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What's yours?

A Quick Picker Upper : HornFixerUppers.

2006-10-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

HornFixerUppers: These are the braindead,misguided,lost, humorless souls who try to 'spice' up a photograph while posing for it by sticking 5 fingers behind somebody's head, with a playful (representative of acute constipation) grin, intended to indicate to the casual observer "Here I am and look at what a magnificiently brilliant and cunning way I have hit upon to 'get' this person. I take what all of us have - which are these five fingers of my palm here, and am able, by using the powers of innovation that are at my disposal , to turn that into a clever heckling device."

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What I find in almost all such HFU's, is the constipated grin of a facial expression. Why? Didn't you get through 6th grade? (Note to 6th graders and under: You are exempt from being targets of this post. However, never come near me when I'm having my picture taken....or somebody gonna get a hurt real bad). Why the grin? Are you under the very mistaken impression that your brilliant heckling device has never before been attempted in the history of man? (or woman).

Let us find such miscreants and make them walk around wearing real horns for a couple of hours. That should show em.

Taking apart The Departed (Spoiler Free)

2006-10-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

First things first: Do NOT go into the movie with ' great' expectations. There seems to be a lot of hype surrounding the movie and its very easy to start buying into it. Expect to see a good movie and you will probably enjoy the experience. The casting is fantastic, with a lot of accomplished actors and the performance is there for all to see. I wouldn't be surprised to see multiple Academy award nominations from the actors. They are that good.

The Good News: Jack Nicholson is back. Back to playing the devilish villian with relish. Oh its so good to see him back to playing the bad guy. He brings a sense of style and realism to the character of Frank Costello - the mobster,crime boss, debonair bad guy. He has a lot of unexpectedly funny lines through the movie. Not the laugh out loud kind but the kind of dry yet witty humor that will bring out a few guffaws. Any good crime movie needs a regular helping of such lines and J.N delivers with a power packed wallop.

Mark Wahlberg: He plays a hard-as-nails,-no-holds-barred, in-your-face deputy of the Undercover unit at the Boston Police Force. Again a lot of fantastic lines from him, as he plays his role to perfection.

Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin play the heads of the Undercover unit and the Special Investigations unit of the Boston Police force respectively. They are as good as you'd imagine. No surprises there really.

Now onto the main characters. Leonardo DiCaprio is showing a real flair for versatility. He adds to his growing kitty of unforgettable roles in movies like Catch Me If You Can and The Aviator. His portrayal of a man trying to escape his rough years growing up in some of the tougher neighborhoods of Boston, is very believable. Initially his character, Billy Costigan attemps to break free of who he is, but is drawn right back to where he came from in a nice little plot set-up about 30 minutes into the movie.You will see him change shades , as he switches from one side of the law to the other.

So does Matt Damon as Colin Sullivan. Both end up on both sides of the law at different times in the movie (I'm not going to tell you who is the proverbial 'good' guy and who is the 'bad' guy - you'll have fun trying to figure this out by yourself). Sullivan is the typical clean-cut, shining beacon of example. He's a rising star and seems to have it all - a beautiful girlfriend (Vera Farmiga, from the Manchurian Candidate) a picture-perfect apartment and the will to succeed at anything he does. But who is he really?

The story is simple: A kid grows up with the good graces of Frank Costello to become one of the mob. He goes through police training school and inflitrates the very heart of the Boston Police Force. (There is no suspense on who is who here, you will pretty much figure it out in the first 15 minutes) Meanwhile, the cops are doing their own infiltration. With the help of one committed young recruit, they fake a crime and a criminal record, and get the cop right to the heart of the crime organization - sidekick to Frank Costello himself. With the two infiltrators known to the audience but not to anybody else (except their superiors), it is a race against time for one to find out the identity of the other. This is where the plot really takes off as the two 'rats' engage each other and their organizations in a complicated game of cat-and-mouse. Who will get flushed out first? Who will walk away with it all? Who gets killed and dies in character, as he portrays but not necessarily identifies with? Who will be the faithful departed, and who stays?

Martin Scorsese (The Aviator, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York) delivers a gritty film tinged with realism. There are a lot of loose ends at the end. You cannot help but leave the theatre with a few questions lingering. You almost wish things had turned out slightly differently but appreciate that the entire experience was satisfying although not rewarding.

Verdict: You can watch it once, but don't miss it.

FSN's Rating: 7.5/10

What's yours?

Lets Talk about....that thing you do

2006-10-05T10:59:00.000-08:00

How many remember the good ol ads on our Tamil Channels, for Nirodh. There was one commercial that involved celestial beings to spread awareness. Note: This post is in Tanglish.

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Scene in Heaven..
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Celestial Man: "Kalangadhe Rathi, manmadhan boologam than sendrullan"
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Celestial Man#2: "Maanidargal ippozhudhu YAIDS ennum adhi bayangara noyidam maatikondullargal. YAIDSUKKU marundhe illai"
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Rathi: " En piriya madhanai kaandu echaraialikka anumadhi kodungal"
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*poof*
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Manmadhan is travelling in an auto. Talks to auto kaaran. (Not THAT auto kaaran)
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Manmadhan: "Summa boologatha pathuttu pogalam nu than vandhen"

Rathi appears...
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Manmadhan: "Radhi NEE!!!!???"
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Radhi: "Shhh. Ungalai echarikka than. Inga YAIDS ennum adhibayangarama noi paravi kondirukkiradhu"
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Manmadhan: "YAIDSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!???"
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Auto driver *turns around* "Ennaba inga YAIDS nu pechu--"
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
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Accident happens to auto.
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Manmadhan is in hospital.
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Doctor is about to put injection.
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*poof*
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Radhi appears..
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Radhi: "Daaktar.Indha oosi parisodhikkapattuladha?"
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Daaktar (looks up with inji-thinna-korangu expression): "Nalla echarikkai. Indha oosiya autoclauwe lendhu naan dhan eduthen.Indha oosi mattum illa indha rathamum parisodhikka pattulladhu"
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Radhi kisses Manmadhan and wishes well.
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*poof*
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Chorus: "Aanurai illadha udaluravu aabathu miga aabathu. YAIDS a pathi therinjikkunga echarikkai yai irunga"

Hilarious!

2006-10-03T15:26:00.000-08:00

Watch a thrilling video of India's Michael Jackson....

Make sure you're sitting down.

[Thanks to Jun from Orkut for pointing this one out]

HE said it

2006-10-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

"Amigo, the only thing in this world that gives orders is balls. Balls, you got that?"

-Tony Montana in Scarface

Dissecting A.R.Rahman's Music

2006-09-25T12:13:00.000-08:00

An awesome dissection of A.R. Rahman's music - by a fellow music director (Marathi). Check it out when you have the time - It is a fantastic read.

Curls N Twirls

2006-09-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

This is an attempt to trace the functionality of a universally existing phenomenon, which is right under your very nose. Body Hair (And, drawing upon that, nose hair)
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I'll never understand the purpose of body hair. What does it do? What is its function? All it does is just sit there and grow.You can't really style it and even if you intended to, what would you do? Part it down the middle? roll it up in curlers? get a perm? color it? streak it? [Ghastly visions of our misguided desis walking about with brown highlights down their chest, are playing havoc with my mind at this moment].
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Even if you do grow it out- how do you care for it? I would not be wholly mistaken if I were to solemnly declare that body hair grows on the body. I am sure a vast majority of the public would be entirely inclined to agree with me. However, what with the abundance of hair care products available in the world today, there exists in the mind of the conscious individual, a dillemma. One of the premier lessons that life has taught us is that hair will be hair (and wigs in some dissociated cases). That being the case, what happens when you take a shower? Are you abusing your body hair by subjecting it to the same generic soap as the rest of your body? Sure your face gets a facial cleanser, but what of your body hair? I stand up for b.h all over and declare that every individual with a generous spattering of b.h. think this over.

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I see opportunity - a virtually untapped market segment - the dense percentage of the population that walks about with a naturally endowed fur coat. Rope em in,weave a magic web and sell em b.h care products. The little shampoos and the conditioners and the root strengtheners and the 59 essential vitamins, minerals and carbohydrates it needs to flourish. Start an exclusive organic line with janguchakka extracts, jasmine, rose and lotus petal extracts, squeeze any living thing that will result in some sort of liquid precipitate. [I see potential for snot, slobber and phlegm.This goes under 'natural' of course].

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If by happenstance you are born a polar bear, you may cast a favorable eye upon the luscious growth on your body and walk around in the cold without splitting any hairs. However, as luck would have it, most of us find ourselves in rather tropical conditions at least some of the time. God help you if you are subject to humidity as well.
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It is funny the way perspectives on body hair change as you transcend age-groups. Around the age of 13, when puberty starts to really kick in, boys indulge in a lot of chest-thumping activities while comparing body hair [They would rather like to indulge in similar activities with the ladies but - well...most of them aren't there yet]. The guy with the most hair was thought of as the finest potent male specimen in the entire collection. Facial hair played its part in this impression as well.
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The Philips Bodygroom is perhaps the most useful invention of the 21st century. When you achieve the basic skills required to maneuver this object without causing a cloud of uncertanity over possible future generations, it is entirely possible to achieve manicured lawns and pristine gardens and I ain't talkin bout no landscapin.Or so I hear.

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Butcher em up and they will still return. Faithful - they really are. Them body hair.Curl em. Twirl em.Chop em.Dice em. Its all in your hands......

And now a word from Seinfeld....

2006-09-05T16:25:00.000-08:00

Came across this the other day while reading SeinLanguage- laughed my guts out...leave it to the master to make such an observation:

I am getting a little tired of pretending I'm excited every time it's
somebody's birthday. I mean really, at this point, what is the big deal?
How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born?

Every year, every person, over and over?

All you did was not die for twelve months.

This is the big accomplishment?

Vettaiyadu Vilayadu...

2006-08-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

...Velila vandhu Saamiyadu.

This has been one of the most anticipated movies of this year. Gautham's Kakka Kakka has raised expectations to such an astronomical level that you expect at least the same sort of grittiness in this movie. In that aspect, it does not disappoint. He holds nothing back while presenting the story and you can expect to see several gruesome (atleast for Tamil Cinema) murder depictions- including severed fingers, slit throats, raped & mutilated bodies and the likes.

The story is "yet another story in the life of a police officer" - meaning Kakka Kakka 2. It takes you on a journey through the life of Raghavan - DCP. First the bad news. Kamal Hassan disappoints. After watching him in films like Soorasamharam where he literally feeds on the guts of the bad guys, you see him in this movie, well -fed and with his own ample supply of gut.

Raghavan - is portrayed as a super-cop. Except that Kamal does not do justice to it at all. The story is all about how he tracks down a serial-killer with the trail moving rapidly from Chennai to Madurai to New York to Mumbai to Goa and then back to Chennai. Phew. As expected the movie is painfully long. It would have been more taut and racy, but for the rather unnecessary love story developing between Kamal and Jyothika. She has nothing to do in this movie - really. There are no "I want to have your kids. I want to make love to you" kind of lines here (If you dont know what I'm talking about, you need to go watch Kakka Kakka).

At times it seems like Gautham didn't really know where to go with the story - Focus on the developing love interests of Kamal and Jyothika or on the serial-killer bent on extracting a gruesome revenge on society. He ends up doing both at times, and messes up completely. The movie starts off at breakneck speed but slows down when Jyothika comes in. I really wish they hadn't had her in the movie. She is not instrumental in the storyline, and their entire 'love' story is rather annoying and cumbersome. One of my friends that I was watching the movie with commented that Surya seems to have effected a 'hands-off' policy on Jyothika or something because you never see Kamal up to his usual 'tricks' (Compare this with a movie like Tenali, where Kamal was also paired with Jyothika and you'll know what I'm talking about).

A significant portion of the movie is set in New York City, where Raghavan works closely with the NYPD. I use the word closely very loosely. Its more like he gives them continuous pointers on how to conduct an investigation. Think Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop - with a really really bad accent (Kamal talking in English in UNBEARABABLE!!!) and packing on about 80 pounds more. Raghavan partners with Anderson, who is content to play 8th fiddle to Raghavan - who single-handedly 'sniffs' out a crime-scene. I'm not kidding. He points vaguely in one direction, and says that they need to proceed hither to solve the crime. Anderson asks why. Raghavan responds with "Its a gut feeling". Anderson goes what? and Raghavan replies stone-faced that back in India, this (phenomenon!?) is commonly referred to as 'Raghavan Instinct". YOU HAVE GOT TO watch out for Anderson's reaction to this. Priceless!

Following the 'Raghavan Instinct', Raghavan & Anderson walk about 10 miles in a heavily forested area whereupon Raghavan with his keen and acutely tuned instincts points to one spot in the ground and asks that it be dug up. Voila!. Bodies found in various states of decomposition. Raghavan Instinct holds good. NYPD backup arrives.Raghavan flies to FBI Headquarters in D.C and lectures a group of 20 feds on how to conduct an investigation. The feds take notes....

A bunch of african-american rappers are seen lip-synching to Vennilave. Raghavan bashes up baddies left and right in Karka Karka. Except the title song - nothing else is of much significance or even sounds all that good. Most of them are annoying as well - because they come right when the story is picking up speed and do their intended job well. Which is to s-t-r-e-t-c-h the movie beyond 3 hours.

There are a couple of very corny parts in the movie. When Raghavan comes face to face with the serial-killer, what ensures is a long and lengthy monologue as the killer explains exactly why he does what he does, who he's killed, how he likes doing it and generally giving Raghavan every bit of information he needs to be able to track the killer down later. All this while Raghavan is apparently in a fit of internal bleeding and will die in a half hour (The killers monologue alone runs for a half hour). After this Raghavan takes a flying leap out of a multi-storied building and lands in a dumpster filled with trash bags (people were no doubt throwing away all their cotton balls, styrofoam packing material and mattresses conveniently chopped up in one square foot blocks).

Like I said, the presentation is very gritty - and Gautham doesn't hold back on the gore. This is definitely not a family entertainer. I overheard kids in the theatre cry out more than once and even ask "Amma - andha ponnu dress kizhinjirukku" (Mom- that girl's dress is torn). That girl - as it so happens has been raped, mutilated and has had her throat sliced. It is definitely a PG-13 movie at the least. Almost all the parts set in New York City have conversations in English - and tamil subtitles are provided. I dont know how well this will sit with audiences, especially outside of the major cities. There are a couple of absolutely politically incorrect gay jokes that Kamal comes up with at a really unexpected time in the movie - and that's really funny (Of course, not that there's anything wrong with that!)

On the whole, I dont see what Kamal brings to this movie, that anybody else couldn't have brought. When you think Anbuchelvan and then you think Raghavan as a character and way it has been portrayed, it doesn't have quite the same impact as the first.

You can watch it once..but expect to be looking at the time on several occasions.

The Adventures Of Fickleberry ViM

2006-08-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

ViM does it again - and this time I had nothing to do with it.
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Twas a cold, monstrously rainy night in June. Lightning flashes streaked all around ominously, as three trusting souls decided to entrust their lives and limbs to ViM for the duration of a trip in search of food, drink and instant gratification at a nearby Applebee's. In the course of about 10 minutes ViM proceeded to tear up, shred and liquefy our decision to do so and instill in us a profound gratitude to the Mighty Maker for having seen us through a rather rummy episode of "Fear Factor".

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It all started when ViM took the exit off the freeway, that leads to Applebee's. Halfway down the exit, he realized he was heading the wrong way (His indefatigable built-in compass no doubt suffering from a very very rare glitch) and decided to turn around. The way the 99.99% of the general population does it is to drive-on until a U turn comes along, but ViM, with his peerless powers of perception decided to do it his way. So he took a sharp and ill-advised right turn as soon as the realization dawned on him that we were headed in the exact opposite direction that we were intending to go in.
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Now I'm all for deciding to turn around when you realize you've made a mistake, but in this case, we were met by about 8 pairs of headlights bearing right down upon us. All the 8 pairs of headlights, no doubt attached to 8 vehicles coming the other way. Upon seeing us wavering (the car was following the directions of ViM's wavering mind) all over the road, the drivers of those vehicles seemed to decide that a life based on discretion would last longer than a life based on valor and rightly so, stopped dead in their tracks.About 3 minutes later (only a mild exaggeration, mind you) ViM suddenly had yet another realization. (This was to be the night of enlightenment for our protagonist). We were driving the wrong way, along a service road for the freeway.Those blameless souls in those vehicles to which the 8 pairs of headlights belonged, no doubt got the shock of a lifetime when their thoughts of what's being featured on the news turned to the possibility of them prominently featuring in the news.
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Recollecting his thoughts thus, ViM then proceeded to turn around (finally) and head in the right direction. After a few meters, he suddenly turned his left blinker on and stopped in the turning lane, presumably to go left. Now this same left, happened to lead to the freeway that we had just come on, and whose service road we had just abused. Another pregnant 3 minutes later, with the light of realization now burning bright in his eyes (evident by the 'oh shit' that spewed forth from his lips) ViM left the turning lane and drove on forward. Finally, after a lot of minor calibrations (and potential coronary occlusions) we were headed in the general direction of Applebee's.
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In my role as navigator (and need I say, front-seat passenger) I did what I could to ease the journey by dutifully pointing out the bright red APPLEBEE'S sign. On after thought, I failed in my duties by not pointing out that there was an ENTRANCE and an EXIT by which 99.99% of the population enters and exits the parking lot of the aforementioned establishment. I say this only because ViM seemed to have taken this TATA Sierra commercial "MAKE YOUR OWN ROAD" a little too seriously. Where to the naked eye, there existed only a sidewalk, concrete, a solid wall and some pedestrian fauna, there seemed to exist in the mind of ViM a myriad of possibilities by which one could enter,exit & fly straight into APPLEBEE's , if possible right into an empty table.
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Sadly the work of a long-gone sidewalk construction crew had done its job well, and there was nothing before us but - a sidewalk. Same holds good for the parking lot wall construction crew as well. Very task oriented, these construction crews. Once they do their job, their work is there to stay. Well, until somebody decides to make their own road , that is.
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Since we were not driving a CAT Earthmover or a Panzer tank, the fact that our vehicle was no match for the sidewalk and wall combination, did not escape our attention. We proceeded thus to bring this to ViM's attention in the loudest and quickest way possible.
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It hit home.
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What would have been a very thorough and satisfactory crash-test for Mazda Corp. instead turned into a damp squib (Oh boo-hoo) as our protagonist corrected his course, and found the entrance.He was on cruise-control for the rest of the evening, navigating his way correctly and confidently through the menu. Not one blemish more on his record, well...at least until it was time for dessert.
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To cut a long story short..we did it again.
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Yes, you could say I had something to do with it.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that!
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Well, atleast not after what ViM did to us. *Wink*

A will of iron...

2006-08-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

Just had to get this off my chest. I woke up this Monday morning to a text message from my dad - telling me that my grandmom has passed away. Its only been 20 days since I last saw her - on my visit to India. It kind of shook me up a little. She was 93. She's been around all my life, and I've always thought of her to be a sort of permanent fixture in all our lives - a sort of living testament to what a will of iron can do for you and your family.

I'm not going to lay it down light. Yes, I have thought her to be a little intrusive in the past - always wanting to know who was on the other side of the phone, or whom I was going to meet when I went out. I didn't have much to say to her as I went through adolescence. I have looked upon her as a relic of the past - a reminder of times gone by.

However one thing that I link to think I have imbibed from her is her strength.Her amazing strength which drove her, in spite of her rather limited means - to educate and bring up an array of 11 children all by herself. She'd stare any adversity down, stare it squarely in the eye, and never blink. She could get her way and fight through anything. Except the advent of time. As I was hearing an account of her last day and how she faded through it, my eyes clouded over. My voice shook a little. However I managed to compose myself. Didn't want anybody back there to even think that I was taking it hard.

My aunt told me how my grandmom had proudly displayed the saree I had bought for her and showed it off to everybody she met. I spoke to a couple more aunts as well. I realized that it was extremely therapeutic for them to be able to speak out and share their grief with me. I remember the countless relatives in the villages that my grandmom has helped out in the past. With money, with clothes and with her hospitality. She was their link to something familiar and warm whenever they visited our house. Sure we were all nice, but we did have other things to do. Go to school [although I doubt if its been my top priority, ever] , go to work etc.

I know I'm not exactly making perfect sense here - but it helps just to write. I'm on my lunch break - and well - not exactly in possession of a voracious appetite. You dont come into this world with anything , but there is a helluva lot you can leave behind even though you dont take anything with you. [Aarupadayappan indicates the same in "Kicku erudhe"]. There are lives you can touch, people you can help, things you can do to make everybody's life better. I am sure we, her grandchildren have all learned something from her. Our parents have a real poverty-to-prosperity story and we've been hearing it ever since we were born. We've seen the hard evidence. Now that my grandmom is gone, there is at least one lasting impression that she's left us with - that we will try passing on to successive generations.

Proof that Impossible Is Nothing.

Your lesson is not lost on me granny. I'll remember that - I really will. Go in peace.

The Chenneye-#1

2006-08-03T07:16:00.001-08:00

Back from 4 weeks and 4 days in Chennai city and a few other places. It is interesting how Chennai has evolved. One thing that catches you amidships much to your disadvantage and knocks the wind right out of your billowing sails is the traffic. It is everywhere and anywhere. Imagine trying to force a smoothie through a toothpick-sized straw and you will have begun to discover the tip of the iceberg. The roads, in the truest sense are abused day and night. Listen carefully and you just might hear the asphalt calling out for dear mercy. You can't be sure because there is no respite from the constant torrent of vulcanized rubber.
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There is usually an "in" place that everybody talks about and in this department, Chennai did not diverge from the norm. Mocha - on Khader Nawaz Khan road seems to be "The" place to go to. [Apparently places like Coffee Day and Amethyst are so passe' that even a passing reference garners a "Where'd you drop from" look]. Even though they might not be entirely agreeable to a tryst with a beverage heavily influenced by java-beans, nearly everyone wants to meet "Over Coffee". Walk into the place and you find barely legal teens smoking Hookah/Houka with a rather constipated expression on the countenance intended (as I perceived) to represent that vacuous form of expression known as "Attitude". Nobody seems to wear their hair 'natural' anymore. Its either gelled, spiked, streaked,colored or tortured beyond recognition using some other dubious methods.
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Eye will continue.... :-)

Im at that age....

2006-07-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

Y'know - THAT age. The age when aged relatives and boisterous aunts come a-calling with questions on when I plan to 'get settled'. Ugh. What a word.
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Having attended a wedding of a first cousin and being roped in (more like being dragged in) as best man, I was painfully aware throughout the entire proceedings that my position rather resembled a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming milk van - except there are other deer looking on to explore avenues to hasten the deer-meets-milk-van process.
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Consequently, one of them in the form of my mom's distant cousin decided to add her antlers to the proceedings and remarked to my mom, after seeing me up on stage [Yes there is a stage and the best man usually stands by the groom at all times.....] "I have a girl who's a relative of mine, and I think they will make a great match"
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How was this divined, you may ask. Very simple really. Apparently the reason given was that the girl in question is tall. *Pause*
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Yup. On our return from the wedding party and subsequent family-bonding trip, I found that the m.d. cousin was coming home, bringing with her pictures of the girl she had in mind. This led to a rather rummy situation at home, what with questions about marriage being bandied about like they were your everyday occurence.
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The m.d.cousin came with chatty, wordy husband in tow to talk my mom into making the deal. Pictures were handed over, family backgrounds explained, educational degrees and fields of interest were listed and finally it came down to the wire with the big question asked of me.
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"WHY NOT GET MARRIED TO THIS GIRL?"
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Just like that. Amidst my polite yet strong protests there was another piece of news conveyed. Apparently the m.d.cousin had also indicated that parents of said girl were in town and would like to meet with me over the weekend.
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It would be no small understatement to say that I blanched. If I had had a mustache, it would have bristled.
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To cut a long story short, the girl's parents want the girl to live in India and preferably a train ride away. The last I heard, no train goes across to North America and therefore I consider myself safe. However, it is official now. Its open season....

Back to the Motherland...

2006-06-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

Will be leaving to go back to Chennai, India after a gap of 2 1/2 years. The last time I visited was back when I was in Grad School. Life has changed, almost a 180 degree turn in some aspects. I have a little more money now - since I'm working full time. My tastes have changed, as have the activities I like to do. I drink a whole lot more than I used to, and partying comes right behind that as well. I'm bigger by about 14 kilos since the last time I visited. Note that I said bigger and not fatter. That's right - all that is pure muscle mass.
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I am pretty sure I will hear almost everybody who meets me, remark on that. I'd like to hold up a signboard saying "YES. I KNOW. I AM AWARE. I LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, EVERYDAY". It gets tiring after the 30th person has remarked "YOU HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT. LAST TIME I SAW YOU , YOU WERE THIN/SKINNY/UNDER- NOURISHED/DARKER/LIGHTER" etc. Well you get the drift. Although, I suppose that is a way of starting the flow of conversation. What do you say to somebody that you haven't seen for more than 2 years - its not like they are my best friend or something like that. It does take a few lines to get the relationship back to what it used to be. Perhaps they use such lines to break the ice, so to speak. I just wish it didn't have to be such glaringly obvious 'observations'. There is only one kind of observation that is actually enjoyable - the SEINFELD kind. "Its amazing that the amount of news that happens everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper"
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I hope I dont start acting like one of those foreign-returned people that I used to hate when I was living in India. Thinking about it...I hope I dont act like that for too much of the time. Some things are inevitable. Classifying myself as a 'de-fobbed' desi, the accent is likely to be there. Or the lack of it, depending on how you perceive how I speak. I'm pretty sure I will use the line "They have this in India now!?" at least once a day. I am however pretty damn sure I wont use the line "This is just like how it is, back in the US". That is a really horrid line. I'm sure I will be trying to stick to my sense of US fashion , because that is what I am 'used to' and turn a blind eye to how other people dress.
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I do however plan to walk around in a lungi and a 'Sivaji: The Boss' t-shirt, if I can find one. Watch out for me. If you see a guy dressed so, and wearing a pair of Maui-Jim sport sunglasses, that'd probably be me. [Ray-Ban's are sooooo yesterday :-) ]
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I will also probably flaunt my Banana Republic shirts [which seem to be the uniform of choice for every club-going, self confessedly 'de-fobbed' desi in the US of A], my Kenneth Cole Premium Jeans, my Kenneth Cole designer shoes and my Nike dri-fit t-shirts [to beat the gawd-damned heat. 'What is it like frickin 150 degrees here'?] worn over Docker/Eddie Bauer khakis. I will probably coat my hair with American Crew hair molding fiber ['No. It is NOT oil. Its American Crew. Yes, its a US brand. I dont do oil'.] and walk around wearing flip-flops ['What are Hawaii chappals?Does this look like Hawaii to you?' ].
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I think I will do all those things and many more. People will look at me and probably think I'm putting on airs or some such like. The accent especially. Or, the lack of it :-). Like I said before, some things have changed.
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And some things havent. Whatever I'm wearing, and whatever I'm talking, when I set foot on home soil, the feeling that will run through me will tell me who I am. It will tell me that however things may change, both on the outside and on the inside, I am what I am. I am Indian.
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Whenever I see the tricolor or hear the national anthem, I tear up and get misty-eyed. My chest swells with unabashed pride when I hear "You are Indian. You must be smart" - not necessarily because of who I am, but because of where I am from. Because of what my countrymen have achieved far far ahead of me.
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I am what I am. I am Indian.
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And so is my Banana Republic shirt [Made in India and worn with pride ].
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Jai Hind.

Fall 7 Times. Stand Up 8. Lose 2. Win 4.

2006-06-21T13:55:00.000-08:00

Collect the trophy for finals MVP while you're at it. It must be good to wake up as Dwayne Wade this morning.

[www.nba.com]

Well on most mornings, but especially this one. It is said that the NBA Finals is where legends are born. We saw the spectacular arrival of one during the 2006 NBA Finals. With due credit to the incredible Mavs, D Wade almost single handedly turned this series around, in the final 6 minutes of Game 3. I still believe that the Mavs were screwed over, in Game 5 and the events leading up to Game 5. Think about it. Mavs win even without Jerry Stackhouse. That would have taken the wind out of Miami's sails and Dallas could have calmly held on to home court. Instead, the NBA decides to flex its muscle, and a foul is called on Dirk Nowitzki from well over 40 feet away, in the final seconds of Game 5. That sours this entire experience for me. Otherwise, it has been an incredible season and post-season, with D-Wade having stepped into the sort of sacred CLUTCH TERRITORY, that only a few great names can call their own. M.J, Kobe, Reggie, Magic, Bird to name a few.
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There was however, ONE big cringeworthy moment right after the Heat won, which heralded the start of one era and the fall of another. Shaquille O Neal, 3 times finals MVP in his 3 NBA Championships who averaged at least 30 points a game now relegated to a 9 point, 12 board game was asked by the ABC announcer, how it felt to play Robin to Dwayne Wade's Batman. You could almost see the big guy cringe, pause a moment and then answer that he came to South Beach with a mission to do whatever he could to win a championship, make Wade better etc etc. However, he does have a fourth ring so I'm not sure if he minds all that much.

All in all, a FANTASTIC postseason, with some great series. The Dallas-San Antonio matchup is still fresh in my mind, as probably the most exciting series in recent times. It will be interesting to see what happens next year, as there are several storylines already established, as a result of this year's playoffs.

1. If the Suns played so well without Amare Stoudemire, *shudder* how invicible will they be with him playing in the paint?

2. Dwayne Wade has strutted his stuff, but surely The Second Coming isn't far away. LeBron James showed what he is capable of, this year. Next year he is going to define it.

3. The Dallas Mavericks have broken through their big Western Conference barrier, and have the experience of one Finals behind them. Things can only get better from here.

4. What of the 05 champions, The Spurs. Lets not count them out. Look for them to make some key acquisitions in the off-season and come back, ready to win it all.

5. Pisstons. Who. What? Stick a fork in em. They are done.

The Fountainhead's Flooding....

2006-06-14T13:16:00.000-08:00

After hearing great and magnificient things about The Fountainhead over the last few years, I decided to pick it up a few weeks ago. I'm done with the chapters on 'Peter Keating' and 'Ellsworth Toohey' and frankly I dont know what to make of it.
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If you've read the book this is at the halfway mark. The parts about Howard Roark are of course very interesting, and the parts about Peter Keating are also not bad, but the rest of the characters really REALLY piss me off, especially Ellsworth Toohey. Every damn conversation of his has to turn into a sermon where he spews forth pages upon pages of 'intellectually' philosophical mumbo-jumbo . I like the process of deep thoughts and soul-stirring conversations myself, but to spread it out over 300 pages is a bit much. Dominique Francon is either completely nuts or has some mysterious purpose to the madness that I will figure out only in the closing stages. Me thinks there is a reason why the chapter "Howard Roark" comes in dead last, and perhaps he will surmount all these obstacles and rise above the tide.
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I still have to wallow through the chapter on 'Gail Wynand'. Usually at the halfway mark Im so into a book that I can hardly put down. The Fountainhead started off very strong, and is now really slacking off in the middle - anyway it may be too early to tell. If there are simply more obstacles that Roark has to face in order for us to buy into his idea of Objectivism or whatever that is called, I'm going to end up burning the book. I GET IT. I GET IT. I've gotten it the 30 times that I've read about Roark coming out unscathed and not reacting at all, when presented with an obstacle.

The last straw was Dominique Francon getting married to Peter Keating and then going back to Howard Roark and telling him that she loves him, right after they do it. The act of them doing it is meant to come across as two powerful forces colliding and coming together in one beautiful symphony, but instead makes me want to punch Ayn Rand right in the face. I remember being completely pissed off and throwing the book down in disgust. Not because I particularly care who Dominique ends up with, but the fact that Ayn Rand almost wants me, the reader to somehow suck this up and marvel at the strength of Dominique and that of Roark as well.

I'm the guy who was cussing and yawning, while muddling his way through the first 150 pages of The Lord Of The Rings, making himself read those insanely annoying songs of the hobbits. (To this day I cannot stand Samwise Gangee and will probably drive a tractor over him if given the chance). However, once the Fellowship got together, I couldn't put the book down, all the way until Strider takes his rightful place. I still haven't read the Scouring of the Shire though. That was just more BS about Sam.

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I will however pick it up once again and read on, if only to save myself from future mistakes with the likes of Atlas Shrugged or anything like that. The story might still pick up voraciously towards the end and redeem itself. Time will tell..

D-tour: NBA Finals

2006-06-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

Dirk - D-Wade - Diesel - Dallas - Defense. That just about sums up what the key ingredients in the 06 NBA finals are all about. This is my dream match-up. My two absolute favorite teams in the league play each other for the Larry O Brien Championship Trophy starting Thursday. I have been following Shaq since his days with the Lakers, and saw flashes of the same Shaq in Game 6, against the team that I abso-youbetcha-lutely despise: The Detroit Pisstons.
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It was a blowout, and a fitting revenge for last year , bringing the former champions down to their knees. Now onto the finals.
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Coaching will be an integral part, obviously. Pat Riley has been here before , and so has Avery Johnson, albeit as player.
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Both have star-players capable of delivering in the clutch.

[Source: espn.com]

However there is one and ONLY ONE Most Dominant Ever. Avery Johnson might consider going small and fast to take Shaq out of the equation. Dirk Nowitzki is THE most versatile player of these NBA finals. I wouldn't be surprised to see him play at center, and have four swingmen around him, which would effectively take Shaq out of the defensive end. Udonis Haslem might have his hands full, having to defend Dirk, but he did do a good job with Sheed-happens Wallace, who's motormouth was effectively depleted of gas. I feel that the x-factors for this entire series will be Josh Howard. If he can do a good job on D-Wade, and keep him busy, Dallas can play their natural game and give Miami a headache. The quickness and athleticism of Jason Terry and Devin Harris will also be a major factor. Miami has had its role players come together and play as a cohesive unit like never before, and suddenly Pat Riley's offseason moves are proving to be the master stroke that many people only saw hints of during the regular season.
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J- Williams torched the Pisstons in the absense of D-Wade. Gary Payton, isn't the Glove of old. Posey is a potent offensive force but ineffective at most on the defensive end. A Walker will have to possibly play more minutes. The NBA finals, in my opinion will be won - or lost at the charity stripe. I expect Avery Johnson to adopt the hack-a-Shaq at some point of time, and pressure Miami. Dallas, being a great shooting team, will have to look at driving to the basket, and getting to the free throw line as often as possible. If Shaq is out of foul trouble, then he can do what he does best - clog the lane. Alonzo Mourning is an effective shot blocker as well. It will be interesting to see how DeSegana Diop and Eric Dampier match up with these two guys. Pat Riley might take Shaq out of the attack in the final two minutes and probably put Mourning in - who's a better shooter anyway.
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Expect, as always fireworks from the big D's.
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Two teams. Two maiden trips to the NBA finals. Two very different coaches. TWO shooting stars. Only one winner. Who will it be?
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Hungrier, quicker and deeper -- I say Dallas in 6.

That one thing...

2006-06-03T12:35:00.000-08:00

I got some 'enlightenment' from a very unexpected source, last week. It was this guy sitting next to me on a flight, who was doing his PhD in Biological blah blah, but ran his own financial business on the side, which is now really gathering steam. He said he was at the top in his research and labs from around the country sent them their samples for analysis, and his academic advisor had a lot of plans for him. He is however planning to stop his PhD midway,get his Masters and graduate. Why?
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"There can be many things you are good at, but there is only one thing that you are passionate about"
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OOOH. That hit home. As always got me thinking about what I'm doing. The realization that what I'm doing is in no way related to what my passion is, resurfaced. I figure this guy is really lucky. He's clear about what he wants, and knows that he's good at what he's passionate about - his financial business.
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Most of us won't probably be that lucky. It takes a lot of courage to switch from what you're good at and gamble with what you're passionate about, but I've heard time and again that the results are spectacular. Follow your passion and every little success will bring you satisfaction - follow your wallet and money can't buy you everything.
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Think about it.

Sivaji: The Boss - Latest News

2006-05-31T21:34:00.000-08:00

Sivaji:The Boss had a song being shot in Bilbao, Spain. Check these video clips out. You can even get a sample of the song, which is playing in the background. Sounds like reggae.

Rajini #1

Rajini #2

Group Dancers

Also do check out the photo stream.

It looks like Shankar is gambling with the audience's tastes in this song. I didn't like Rajini's 'getup' from what I saw. A stupid wig, and some uber urban clothes. That's not our thalaivar. However there is still hope. Shankar is a blockbuster director and knows the pulse of the audience.

Let us wait and watch....the boss is coming.

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/30

2006-05-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

We just got back from lunch at a Thai restaurant. We've been there before , and although the service has been kind of slow in the past, I like the food and we've had no real problems. Until today.

I ordered some Red Curry with Chicken and one of my co-workers, some Panang Curry with Beef.

The waiter takes down our orders, but after about 20 minutes, brings us one dish of Red Curry with Beef, in a circular dish. Since none of us really wanted red curry with beef, we had to send it back.

About two minutes later, our food arrives. My red curry with chicken looks like panang curry with chicken and my colleague's panang curry with beef, looks like red curry with beef,except its now in a square dish . The waiter however tells us we got exactly what we ordered. My co-worker tells him that what he got doesn't look like panang curry because panang curry does not contain bamboo shoots and it is clearly red curry that is in front of him. Waiter walks off...without a word.

A few minutes later and the waiter is now back with some thai iced tea for the two of us. I think he muttered something that seemed like an apology. Nevertheless, both of us found that we couldn't really eat our food because it wasn't what we ordered. Besides, my co-workers almost always orders the panang curry at that particular restaurant because that's his favorite.

At the end of the meal, I was still hungry and not too happy with the fact that our waiter had really messed up our order, and moreover lied to us about it. We can definitely tell the difference between red curry and panang curry. So I let this waitress that usually serves us know, and she was extremely apologetic , as expected. Tells us that she's seen us at that restaurant almost every day, and our waiter is rather new.

She comes back with our check and now they are giving both me and my co-worker our dishes at half price. She also mentions that the rest would come from the waiter's paycheck, and hopes that we will be back at that restaurant in future.

This is where I was suddenly struck with a pang of guilt. Did I do the right thing?

On one hand, I as the customer suffered. I'm still hungry as I write this, and kind of pissed that the waiter would try and cover up his mistake in such a fashion. I did not get what I ordered, and neither did my co-worker. However, it clearly wasn't my fault. I was clear in my order, and it was the waiter who ended up doing what he did. I'm generally a pretty decent tipper - 10% or $1 for lunch (Which usually costs us, after we've split the bill equally, about $9, 15% for dinner, $1 every two drinks at a bar, $1 for a haircut etc.

So why do I still feel so miserable? That waiter is going to be a few dollars short on his next paycheck, but we all agreed that the decision to 'switch' dishes was probably not entirely his idea.

I have made mistakes before. I have lied to cover up those mistakes in the past( I mean, who hasn't). I am however in a customer-service role, and never in my wildest dreams or zaniest fantasies would I lie to my customer, especially such a blatant lie as that. I have also come to realize from painful experience that it is far better to admit your mistakes, especially when confronted with it, than attempt to cover it up. Atleast that way you end up learning something. That's how I learn really...from the school of Hard Knocks. Perhaps I kickstarted that waiter's lesson in customer service. Or perhaps I've just subjected him to some unnecessary pressure at his workplace. I will never know.

At the end of it all, I'm still hungry and still feel miserable. I also firmly believe that what goes around, comes around. I 'm struggling to understand how, even after being downright lied to and shortchanged, I can still feel bad about the whole thing.

I can't help but come back to the same question: Did I do the right thing?

Lok Paritran Splits

2006-05-29T19:56:00.000-08:00

Well well. Lok Paritran, the party that was supposed to bring in a 'Yuva' kind of wave to politics has split. Look at the alleged reasons given for the split:

Favoritism on the basis of caste
Dictatorial leadership
No written policy ,constitution and procedure

Now this downright PISSES me off. The candidate contesting in Mylapore, Santhanagopalan Vasudev apparently was favored because of his caste. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out what that might be, but I leave the rest to the judgement of the reader.

These bunch of idiots were supposed to set off the next wave of change in politics. Enough of us 'educated' folk jumped on the bandwagon and circulated emails. The entire blogospehere was up in arms, supporting them and claiming that this was the Yuva/Rang De Basanti effect coming to fruition.

Instead that old money on our backs - the caste card - has come a calling. In my opinion, that by itself makes Lok Paritran the single most fucked up political party in all of India. These guys were false prophets. The raised in us the hope that things will finally start to change. Instead, there's a split in the party already. Will we, the people, who were so eager to jump on the 'IITians-led-political-party' bandwagon, now turn around and jump at their throats instead?

Here are a few links I found, with some opinions on this topic.

A request: If you were one of the people that passed around the message asking everybody to vote for Lok Paritran and 'vote for change' I request you to also pass around this news item. The truth is out here...

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/20

2006-05-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

Another El Ratta special.
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El Ratta, me and El Lobo (The Wolf) are sitting at a restaurant...when talk comes up about one of our senior colleagues who really knows his stuff. El Ratta as always starts to extoll the virtues of this guy.

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E.R: " Wow man. I mean..this guy is great man. He has authored a lot of books...he really i mean..knows his stuff....even though sometimes I mean you can't understand what he says..I mean he's really really good man.He's very nice..... "
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This goes on for a couple of minutes in the same vein...
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E.R continues..." He is very... I mean...approachable man. You can approach him personally and ask him personal questions. He will answe-"
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El Lobo, never to let go of an opportunity for venting sarcasm, interjects..
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E.L: " What man - personal questions? You mean you can go ask him when he last got laid and stuff and he actually answers?"
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At this point I was doubled over with laughter...I think even the waiter couldn't control himself and nearly dropped the tray.

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/18

2006-05-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

I was waiting for the elevator on the 1st floor of my apartment complex, when it stopped and a girl almost walked out, stopped and bumped cleanly into me. [She was kind of pretty so I didn't mind..]
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"Oops" she goes. "I always do this. I'm going up to the 19th floor but I get off wherever the elevator stops."
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Me, being the perfect gentleman that I am, responded with "Dont worry about it"
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She flashes a wide smile at me.
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As we rode up to the 19th floor, which incidentally was also my stop (Mental Note: Make mental note of where said female is heading..could come in handy later) I couldn't resist one last parting shot "Hopefully this is the right floor..har har.". Another beaming smile. After exchanging brief pleasantries we parted.
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I couldn't help but think about how many times I've done that. Been so lost/wrapped up in my thoughts that I've gotten off at the wrong floor (Haven't bumped into anybody though I dont blame her for doing so - I u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d). Which got me thinking: Are we so caught up with our thoughts and our lives that we miss a lot of other things on the way? Do we walk around with our eyes wide shut...or do most of us only do this with the day-to-day mundane things like riding an elevator, taking the stairs etc. When does it cross over to where we take things for granted?

Just throwing this out there. I dont think there's one right answer for this...and just fyi: I wasn't too preoccupied with my life to notice the girl in the elevator. I guess I notice the right things at least. Phew.

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/12

2006-05-10T16:39:00.000-08:00

P + O2 --> PO

To this day I still remember this chemical equation. It is unforgettable. This was the day that my thought process kicked up into overdrive, taking perhaps the first steps in becoming what you see before you today :-).

This was the first chemical equation that we were ever required to 'balance' in our school lives; Class 7, Science class, Teacher: 'Buddi' Ramesh

'Buddi' Ramesh was a particularly inept life form. He had all the answers without knowing how.Thus, the balancing of equations concept was explained thus:

4P + 5O2 --> 2P2O5

This got me going immediately.

Why the 4?

"To balance the 2P2 on the other side".

Wasn't it balanced already? P on one side, P on the other.

"But you have to balance it. It has to be equal"

It WAS equal already.Look. P on LHS. and P on RHS.

This led to a pregnant pause.

Hmmm. Ramesh exercises the ol noodle- canoodle for a few seconds...

*Bling*

"Because in the reaction, P cannot exist as P. It exists as P2"

In that case...it should have been P to start with

"But it is your job to balance the equation"

That may be true but they are giving us false information.

"SSSSSSSSIT. YOU!. SSSSSSIT. Dont just argue for argue's sake"

But..

"SSSSSSSSSSSIT".

*Alrighty then*

It didn't make sense then. It doesn't make sense now. This important and essential question keeps coming back to me: WHO CARES?

You pour this thingy in this here flask into that big flask. Okay some weird thingys happen. Nothing explodes. Your chemical reaction is complete. How does it matter if there are 4Ps or 2P2's in that shtuff anyway.

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Bleh!

The Art of The Peal...

2006-05-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

What is it about people who tirelessly make attempts at humor when they clearly have no business going there? I call such instances 'Gags Gone Wild' [GGW's] because a) The gag that they intended to pull off clearly falls flat on its face and b) it makes the rest of us gag.

You can make people cry or think pretty easily but inducing peals of laughter is an art form. Not everybody can pull it off. Therefore the unwritten humor code states that the individual first look within. If the art form exists well and good - the individual may look for avenues to hone the art to a fine art form. However, if there is only empty space where the Lord intended for them laughter genes to be, clearly the individual was not made out to make jokes...

Pulling off a successful joke involves the three essential elements:

a) The setup: Also called the premise. This is where you set up the background for your punchline or execution. You gather up the fine threads with which you will weave your craft and ensure that the audience is with you on all threads. Note here that some members will never get it. Leave them out. You can explain it to them later, in the follow-through.

b) The execution: Also called the punchline. After you set up the story which by itself may or may not be funny [Although, the true artist will get people chuckling in anticipation of what might come - this may backfire if your execution isn't strong enough. However by sheer practise you can more than make up for it with the follow-through].This is THE most difficult part because it involves the subtlety of timing.

You need not be necessarily funny if you time your comments right. People will laugh for almost anything if you get in good timing, even if it is something very very stupid.

Subject: "Man...this guy behind me was honking his horn like crazy...I wonder what he wanted"

You: "Hmmm...well maybe he was very(pause) HORNY"

True this is a really sad sentence. There's no other way to put it. HOWEVER, the redeeming factor is the emphasis on HORNY. You pause before and execute with emphasis. This sentence of course needs to be said right after subject utters the line, which needs quick thinking. I use this merely as an example - do not come at me with daggers because it didn't work. Like I said - timing's an art.

c) The Follow-Through: Also called the 'milking' phase. After you get people laughing with the execution, you can follow-through by adding fuel to the fire with some well placed comments. I've found that once you get people laughing, you can further milk your jokes with literally anything, as long as it isn't stupid. The GOLDEN RULE: KNOW WHEN TO STOP. Several jokes have been ruined even though they might have had a great premise and execution, with a flop of a follow through. Its always better to stop, however for the true artist, the follow-through is equally important. It ensures longevity of his/her joke.

The follow-through can also be used as a redeeming factor. If you observe consummate professionals such as Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien, they always have the ability to pull it out by either making fun of their attempt at the joke or just making fun of themselves for even trying it. This gets the audience laughing even though your joke fell flat. You are thus making your joke/yourself the follow-through, but the true artist does not mind. The real reward is the laughter itself....not why or how you make it happen.

Back to our GGW's. They dont understand these three elements. Their setup is rather weak and if you notice carefully, just before their intended punchline, their face appears to be in the throes of some strange contractions. This is something that they have unconsciously developed to 'compensate' for their lack of timing. It doesn't work. People either dont get their punchline (because of the lack of timing) OR their lack of execution renders a rather weak joke, which usually elicits polite laughter. They will often repeat their line, again without any concept of timing to ensure that their audience 'gets it' this time. Since they usually haven't perfected the art, there is no redeeming follow-through, leaving the true artist in the group an opening to piggy-back off of weak joke, often to devastating effect.

I say it again - if you're not funny (and you'd definitely know) learn to shut up. Polite laughter is the worst of its kind. People are not laughing at your joke (or at you, which can be funny) but are laughing so as to not hurt your feelings. Ugh!.

I've seen too many otherwise respectable people make complete asses of themselves with horrible timing. The only person that laughs during these jokes is the people making the jokes, of course with the pre-punchline-facial-contractions occuring first. It is so not funny. GET THE TIMING RIGHT OR SHUT UP. Geez.

I cannot talk about humor or the art form without mentioning, IMO, THE GREATEST artist of our times - Jerry Seinfeld. He is a true artist, not having to resort to profanity (Think Chris Rock and the N word), Rapidity (Think Robin Williams) or Political jokes (Think any late night anchor). The humor is in his observations of the little things of life that he puts forth with practised ease.

"Men want the same thing out of women that they want out of their underwear. A little support, and a little freedom. "

"I will never understand women. They can take hot boiling wax, pour it all over their thighs, pull their hair out by the roots...and still be afraid of a spider"

If you did not think that was hilarious: Scram, splat...shoo. You can go listen to the likes of Chris Rock talking about how he was banging a sista' bent over on his table, asked her to 'say my name Bi**h, and she says 'Bi**h, Bi**h' and he says "DAMN! Woman. Ah didn't know ah was bangin yo brains further into yo ass".

[Ok so I made that up. But seriously, that's how he writes his material...]

எங்கும் Thamizh, Edhilum தமிழ், பொங்கும் தமிழ், Nam தங்கத் தமிழ்!

2006-05-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

எனது உயிரினும் மேலான தமிழ்த்தாயை வணங்கி, எனது முதல் தமிழ்ப் பதிப்பைத் துவங்குகின்றேன்.

ஒளவையாரைப் பற்றி நான் எடுத்துரைக்கத் தேவை இல்லை. அவர் புகழ் இவ்வையகம் இருக்கும் வரை நிலைக்கும்.
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தமது ஒவ்வொரு செயலிலும் சான்றோர் சிறந்து விளங்குவர் என்பதற்க்கு ஒளவையார் ஒரு எடுத்துக்காட்டு.

ஒரு முரை,தம்மை இழிவாகப் பேசிய ஒருவனை ஒளவையார் கண்டிக்கின்றார்... (இருப்பினும் சான்றோராகவே....)

"எட்டேகால் லட்சணமே

எமனேரும் வாகனமே

கூரையில்லா வீடே

குலராமன் தூதுவனே
ஆரையடா சொன்னாய்!"

இது சான்றோர் வாக்கல்லவா? எளிமையானச் சொற்க்களில் கூட ஒரு இனிமை ஒளிந்திருக்கும்.

எனதருமைச் செல்வங்களே!

வாருங்கள். நாம் அவர்தம் சொர்க்களை ஆரய்ந்து தமிழின் இனிமையைச் சுவைப்போம்.

விளக்கம்:

எண்களுக்குத் தமிழில் குறிப்புகள் உண்டு.

எட்டு (8) = அ

கால் (1/4)= வ

எட்டே கால் = 8 1/4= அவ

எட்டே கால் லட்சணமே = அவ லட்சணமே!!

எமனேரும் வாகனம் எது? - எருமை!

கூரையில்லா வீடு எது? - குட்டிச்சுவர்!

குலராமன் தூதுவன் யார்? - குறங்கு! (அனுமன்)

ஆரைக்கீரை - ஒரு வகையான கீரை...

ஆரையடா சொன்னாய் - என்பதற்க்கும் இரு அர்த்தங்கள் உண்டு.

1. யாரை அடா சொன்னாய்? (என்னையா?)

2. ஆரை அடா சொன்னாய்? (நீ ஆரைக் கீரையைத்தானே சொன்னாய்?)

:-)

ஆகவே - என் கண்மணிகளே!

நாமும் சான்றோர்களாகவே விளங்கவேண்டும்.நாவைக் காத்து, நமது தன்மானத்தையும் காக்க வேண்டும்.

வாழ்க தமிழ். வாழ்க பாரதம்.

[மக்களுக்கோர் வேண்டுகோள்: பல வருடஙளுக்குப் பிறகு நான் தமிழ் மொழியில் மீண்டும் எழுதுகின்றேன். சொற்சுவையில் பிழை இருந்தால் என்னை மன்னிக்கவும். பொருட்சுவையில் பிழை இருந்தால், குற்றம்! குற்றமே!! என்று கீரனாக எமக்குப் விளங்க வைக்க வேண்டும்.

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பின்குரிப்பு: நான் அணிந்திருக்கும் கண்ணாடியைச் சேர்த்து, எமக்கு நான்கு கண்கள் உள்ளன! ]

The Power Of The Blog...

2006-05-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

Here's a real life incident where a young-man in Bangalore witnessed the Assistant Commissioner of Police breaking the law, and his quest to spread the word.....

I wonder if any of us would have had the courage to stand up against an ACP, much less chase him through the streets of Bangalore?

Check it out and spread the word...

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/4

2006-05-04T10:58:00.000-08:00

This girl I know just got married and is off with her husband to Mauritius of all places. This got me thinking...WHAT is the point of these couples (this was an arranged marriage if I understand correctly) going off to these exotic locations for a week-long honeymoon? What the fcuk are they going to do there? [Never mind, the answer lies in the question]
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They aren't exactly going to be sightseeing, although they will most probably be seeing some new sights. How weird is it to go with somebody you dont even know properly and go off with them to an exotic location the day after you know for sure that you're chained to em for life. [Till death do em part and all that]
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Also, why a week-long honeymoon? You can accomplish pretty much the same things you'll be doing there, in hotel Ashoka International...they have better dosas too. Nobody should forget the golden rule : 7 Days make a (w)hole we(e/a)k.
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Not that there's anything wrong with that!

HE said it!

2006-05-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

"If there's a burglar in my home, maybe I send an e-mail or a text message to the police instead of making a call."

-- Skype co-founder Niklas Zennstrom, on his VOIP service's lack of 911 access.
[From 2005's 101 Dumbest Moments in Business]

PowerPREP

2006-04-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

If you have ever studied under this highly dubious institution of learning called Madras University (or anything like it) you will understand that writing (and ultimately passing, which is the goal) an end-of-semester exam has mostly nothing to do with what you know, and everything to do with how you prepare and execute.

There are numerous intangibles, and several relationships develop as a result. People have had a very very close relation to God during such trying times, leading to striped and spotted foreheads; although surprisingly this relationship starts and ends within a week of the exam. It becomes an almost fascinating study on the true power of prayer. I have been involved in some really hard-cut and shamelessly negotiated deals with my Maker above, and when I follow-through on my end of the bargain, He usually keeps His.

I have walked into an exam hall knowing next to nothing, but by the sheer power of prayer have gotten the exact 5 questions for the essay section (there were a total of 5 ) that I had prepared for the previous day. A miracle or sheer co-incidence? I have had so many such instances that I am essentially convinced that such a large number of co-incidences could not possibly happen to one individual over the course of 8 semesters.

=
As us pros know, it is the essay questions that make or break your passing grade, and the short-answer type questions are merely to further refine your score. This preparation of studying 5 essay questions was also based on a thorough perusal of question papers from previous years. Us pros also figured that several essay questions are repeated, and by simply studying the ones that are the most repeated and praying hard - really hard, it was entirely possible to hit that magic 45/100 mark.

Sometimes though it didn't hurt to second guess. If one of the oft-repeated questions appeared just last year, you'd want to get inside the head of the question-framer and figure out that he would go back two years, to frame the questions instead. Hence studying questions from upto four previous years was always a plus.

For some reason, people in charge of grading your exam are notoriously short on patience. Therefore your entire exam is written with complete and utter respect to their perspective. It doesn't and probably never mattered under Madras University, what you know. Who you know reportedly helps a whole lot in case you need to involve yourself in some active 'chasing'. The three basic rules of a successful answer paper are: Presentation, presentation, presentation.

"Will the examiner like my handwriting and my diagrams?" was the most fundamental question on my mind that I had to find answers to, and only then did I have to start looking at the actual questions. Sad but true. When you have four kids to feed, a wife who has increasingly worked long hours as a 2nd grade school teacher and your dinner will probably consist of bread and amul butter (as it has been the last 4 nights in a row, since the 2nd graders have their annual exam coming up - ANNUAL EXAMS FOR 2nd GRADERS!!) you dont give two hoots if the girl who's paper you're looking at (surely its a girl if the handwriting is THAT good) doesn't know enough about electronics to power on a power supply. Everything on the paper looks GOOD, and the diagrams are neatly pencilled and labelled with different colored inks. Obviously somebody went to great lengths to ensure your day is not ruined further and as it the underlying truth in this cruel world, no good deed goes unrewarded.

Girl with pretty handwriting ends up with a very decent 78%. (Stands to reason. I can't remember the last time when a girl studying engineering ended up with less than 70% on any subject. Not the least - in the labs. Hint: Almost ALL lab attendants, with whom your present and future rests, are male)

Then there is yet another facet of preparation that I must mention.

Group Studies : (Sometimes referred to as 'combined' study, but since the release of the tamil film Manmadhan, in which one combined study session involved the transfer of much much more than knowledge...this usage has reduced substantially)

For the uninitiated, group studies are when a bunch of about 15 guys get together at a remote location, and spent a sizeable part of the day doing the following, to prepare for the study session:

Eating
Visual stimulation [1 ] session , sometimes in turns (well...sometimes these things are more of the do-it-yourself category). This while the bright minds of the group (usually one) go away to study the topics that were alloted for that day
More eating
Review of the lastest crop of fresh-faced freshmen in college, and a thorough discussion of each one's pros, cons and general ragging techniques.
Intellectual stimulation session: Review of visual stimulation [2] session from earlier in the day and the length of time taken by each individual for the same visual stimulation material (Trust me, this varies substantially. Guys have locked themselves up for days in there..)
1:3 knowledge transfer session.This is the intermediate step
3:10 knowledge transfer session, sometimes broken up for further concentration.
Bright mind's turn for some visual stimulation, in peace, while the rest focus on imbibing as much knowledge as possible in 1 hour.
End of day's proceedings, usually followed by eating

In spite of all this, it never ceased to amazed me when the results of the examinations came out. After a couple of semesters we had the entire process of preparing for and succeeding at university exams down to a T. Thus here we are..and here I am.
=
What did I learn of engineering? A little
What did I learn of life? A lifetime's worth
=
Because in life, working smart seems to be more important than working hard.

===========================================

[1]: If you still haven't figured out what visual stimulation involves, you either haven't hit puberty yet or you need to go back and join the line for 11 year olds.

[2]: See [1]

Part...Rinse...Repeat

2006-04-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

Part..Rinse..Repeat. That's not a wash cycle, that's the way I get my new super-soft Acuvue Oasys contact lenses in. It takes a sustained struggle of about 45 minutes to 1 hour between my eyeballs, the lenses and my fingers to finally get the things in. There's all sorts of interesting shapes and sizes that the contact lenses get themselves into, requiring me to part...rinse...repeat. I've used up about half a bottle of lens-cleaning solution for about 3 uses.
=
What's the big deal with these contact lenses anyway? People told me that it drastically improves your appearance, but they dont seem to be doing anything for me. The same tired face stares back at me on the mirror albeit with a lot of tears and moisture around the eyes now. (My doctor has recommended using artificial tears liberally, and has promised that they will come to be my 'new best friend' )
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There's also a lot of risk involved with the care of the lenses apparently. You have to constantly keep the container clean, airdry it after every use etc etc. I end up using tears before putting the lenses in, after putting them in, before taking them out and after taking them out. That's a LOT of tears. I haven't had this many tears since going to watch the Matrix Revolutions (Which is the worst butchering of a very promising premise, that I've ever seen).
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However there are some good points. While previously I'd just take my glasses off when I go out, now there's so much more that I can observe. Drunk chicks appear in crystal clear vision, and I'm able to make out every single detail. This has changed my life for the better. I see the world in a whole new light now.
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Oh yeah there's also that minor detail that the doctor mentioned, about my vision being much better than what I can get with my glasses, but that's secondary.
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I'm being told by half the world (who seem to be lens users) that I'll get used to them "IN TIME". Remains to be seen, how soon that happens.
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I'm writing this with my contact lenses in and its time to take them out. That's going to be another 15-20 minutes....

Conversations....

2006-04-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Two Indians (I was riding in the same car as well) talking about the best neighborhoods to live around Seattle...
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1: "I hear that Bothell is a good place to live...good schools....very safe neighborhood..."
2: "Yeah there NO blacks or mexicans in that area...very safe..."
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I wonder if Americans consider that area safe, because there are now a lot of indians living out there.

Now, Discover Your Lengths

2006-04-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

After a lifetime of misery, dissatisfaction and frustration, I've finally discovered it. As I got home , I ripped my clothes right off (I couldn't wait) and got right down to it. Ahh! The sweet satisfaction. Ahh the sheer bliss. Mere words cannot describe the ecstacy and the sigh of content that seemed to pervade my very being.
=

It came to $21.59 with tax, and it is my nectar.
Those sweet curves of seamless wonder.
Soft to the touch and all pervading.
Will stick with me through thick and thin
Through all my ups and downs from within
Do not assume, do not blunder
Do not try and steal my thunder
I been lookin for this all my life
Its soft to the touch and captivating

I refer of course to my Calvin Klein 365 boxer-brief with 95% cotton and 5% Lycra/Spandex/Stretchie Stuff, sent from the heavens to show mere mortals what comfort is.
=
It clung to me, to every nook and corner (or atleast the ones that matter) and although it didn't make me look quite like the guy on the package (hmm I must have a different model than what is shown) but that's understandable.

A lifetime of searching had finally come good. I knew this relationship was going to last the rest of my lifetime.

What is it about the perfect piece of underwear? It makes life feel just right. Man has been looking for the perfect underwear for generations (I make no comments on woman - everything that I have seen so far seems to be just perfect, but that's just me. I have the uncanny ability of looking for the best in people..or on people as the case may be).

We have come a long way since those VIP Frenchie "Dreaming about me?" days. Back then a jatti (Chaddi [Brief]) was nothing but the fantasy of a woman-in-a-red-dress in the commercial. You wore it until it wore out. The elastic ripped into your skin with every move. However, we still persevered - in the forsaken hope that it, like all others, would ease up with wear.

You ignore your underwear at your own peril, as my good buddy RiRa found out one warm, barmy march afternoon in our class.
=

RiRa was giving us all a seminar on Solid State Devices but every now and then seemed to illustrate his point by a most vigorous rub on his behind, and then a little hop in the air. He appeared to be making rolling motions up and down his rump, while maintaining this look of theres-nothing-out-of-the-ordinary on his face. He could have been brushing his teeth with the same expression. Except, Power amplifiers dont exactly invoke that sort of illustration. You can dabble in power amplifiers for 40 years of your life and never make such a movement to illustrate its workings.

We then came to the firm conclusion that something was wrong. This was further supported by the fact that he showed a real affinity for talking with his back turned towards the class and away from the blackboard and yet attempt to draw supporting figures on said board. It was only right after the class that we got a full explanation of what transpired.

It appears that RiRa, by some strange stroke of fate pulled out of his underwear pile, a most horribly mangled, stretched piece of underwear with the elastic so long gone that there was just the barest resemblance to a pair of briefs. In his haste in getting to the seminar on time, he had omitted to foresee the potential after-effects of this basic faux-pas, not having the insight that I have in these things. Therefore, he said by the time he realized that "london bridge is falling down...falling down..falling down" it was too late, and london bridge was indeed on a nosedive. "But why were you trying to roll up your jatti? "

Pat came the answer "I was afraid they might roll down my trouser leg, and onto the ground"

After we were done laughing, which took a good 5 minutes, he further explained "I forgot about that little divider thing that separates one leg from another" {I'm not sure how often he'd walked around wearing skirts [with all due respect to you RiRa :-) ]}

The moral of the story is: always be self-aware. There's nothing worse than having your bunches in a bunch, that too right in the middle of possible public scrutiny. You dont want to be reaching into your pants and making quick adjustments. Heavens help you if you are to be looking at some part of the female form, for eyes of said female form could be shooting daggers your way (and stop with only that if you're lucky). The proverbial save-the-day itch guard cannot help with wardrobe malfunctions. At the worst, you could get a wedgie and have to shake hips from side to side to get rid of that annoying event.

Brief, Bikini brief, mini brief, thong, boxer brief (highly recommended by author), boxers - find your ideal size. Its a world of choice out there. Do not be afraid to experiment (although I still shudder thinking of some yellow star wars 'special' briefs that were on sale at Macy's. Let us be honest guys -once a lady discovers that underneath, chances are - you ain't gonna be doin nothin with your lightsaber.) The 'tear and wear' option of Komanam (A very strategically positioned piece of cloth (much like a loincloth) that is held up with an equally strategic piece of string around a guy's waist might be a cost-effective option, provided your neighbor has a lot of handkerchiefs out to dry (I do NOT recommend attempting the same with Kleenex). Bear in mind the possibility of a RiRa scenario...and you do not want to be caught with your pants down - do you?

So go on now, discover your lengths. Be at peace...

OVERTIME IS TERPS TIME!!! GO TERPS!!!

2006-04-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

MARYLAND TERRAPINS:

2006 NATIONAL BASKETBALL CHAMPIONS

GO TERPS!

I love it. The Lady Terps beat our longtime hated rival DUKE, to win the National Basketball Championship.

Nothing Short of Amazing..

2006-04-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

I finished reading Life Of Pi (by Yann Martel) this morning, and I'm still thinking about it. I believe that I will continue to think about it for a really really long time. No book that I have read in recent times, has given me such food for thought while quenching my thirst for imagination-stirring fiction, all at the same time.

In my opinion if the effect of an experience lasts a while, after you're done with it, that is a clear indicator that the experience was unforgettable (for good or bad reasons). As I approached the end of the book, I was simply struck breathless as the different threads the author draws up intertwine in one final crescendo and to put it simply - I love it. Every page of it.

I'm going to be re-reading several key sections looking for further clues on what I believe is the absolute truth. Do you want to search for the truth? Search not only the book but challenge your beliefs, your ideas, your perceptions and last but not the least, your very concept of God.

I believe that this book has a little something for everybody. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend that you go get it.

Oh and dont worry "This story has a happy ending...." :-)

Update: Looks like the Movie is slated to release in 2007. Can hardly wait!

Movie Maniacs

2006-03-28T16:19:00.000-08:00

Scene#1: Villain says to hero "nee oru appanukku porandhavana irundha, vandhu idha edu da *expletive*" [If you were born of one father, lets see you come take this away from me @#$%$]

Immediately, hero is shown in close-up. His eyes get red. Nostrils flare. Some dhadal-dhadal music plays in background, as his facial tissues start twitching. He reaches for nearest veecharuva [Scythe], machifies his veshti, [Dhoti] and starts running towards said villain with a loud resounding 'DAIIIIIIIIIIII' in slo-mo, while the villain and his goondas patiently wait for hero to start slicin & dicin em. Hero of course gets arrested, but then they show you the caption "after 7 years of imprisonment" and all is well. Hero is reunited with heroine, villain is dead, comedians are still around to make their standard jokes and justice has been served.

Scene#2:

Hero is playing common man. He is the average joe that audience can identify with.Hero sees heroine for 20 seconds in a bus at a traffic light, and instantly falls in love with her (her face speaks volumes about who she is, apparently). Hero has been in "love" with heroine for 4 years, although heroine doesn't even know it. He has never spoken to her, but he still "sincere a love panren" the heroine. However, heroine doesn't love hero - she loves this other guy who is portrayed as arrogant, rich, spoiled with big bulging muscles, slicked hair, 4 cronies around and a constant I'm-O.D'd-on-laxatives look on his face. Hero goes to profess love for heroine, gets rejected and is kicked out by anti-hero. Immediately, there's a slow sad song in the b.g with plenty of violin scratching to resonate within our inner beings. Then hero decides heroine is a bitch, and that she must be taught a lesson for leading him on. Goes to her wedding; in the middle of 800 people starts and successfully completes a 3 page monologue; slaps her twice for effect; tells her he sincerely loves her and she doesn't know what true love is; finally walks away with anti-hero standing shell-shocked in the same spot and heroine in tears. Violin b.g starts in the background. The hero & his 'lover' are still yet to exchange one word. Or...hell..hero takes some acid and throws it on heroine. If I cannot enjoy your looks, neither can anyone else - he says.

How many times have we seen such scenarios or variations of them in movies? Movies are supposed to be a reflection of the times they are shot in, but I see that increasingly, those movies are actually influencing common thinking. This does not bode well for anybody.

The common man watches such drivel, and thinks that he can sort out similar situations in similar fashions, if he were to encounter them in real life. All that is fine when you know you're going to be paid 2 crores for doing what the director believes will draw people to the movie hall. It is NOT okay in real life with real people.

Take eve-teasing for example. In commercial mainstream cinema, the hero is seen to be wooing the heroine who doesn't want to have anything to do with him, by constantly being around her, teasing her, touching her, feeling her and even forcibly kissing her. There's most definitely a song in such circumstances, with the hero and his cronies surrounding the heroine, and putting forth several unwelcome advances, gestures and song lyrics. However, persistence appears to pay off, hero rescues heroine from some very convenient plight and supposedly the heroine, on seeing this realizes that he is a real MAN, and falls head-over-heels in love. Or there's always the slap-your-way-out-of-trouble approach. If the heroine talks too much, asks too many questions or simply refuses to believe the hero, our macho man can simply slap her right across the face (it doesn't leave a bruise apparently) and instantly change her mind.

It is not that I am completely disillusioned. I'd still stand up and scream every time there's a Rajini Intro scene, or a Vijay song sequence. However, I have been studying this disturbing trend of movies that can never be in parallel with real life, and the even more disturbing trend of people trying the same in real life. Roadside romeos can get the absolutely wrong message, people can attempt to play their relationships the way their favorite hero does on screen or simply resort to mindless violence.

I have faced something very similar in my life. For as long as I lived in India, I simply could not take too much of heckling. I'd always start frothing at the mouth and get a little ill-tempered. It was only when I started to see other cultures and the way people interact that I've come to realize heckling is a part of human nature. Be prepared to take it, and equally prepared to dish it out (and if you can't, well just take it). For e.g. , british culture works in a really strange way where they first heckle you to the end of your tether, and then make friends with you. That's simply how they function. It appears to be much the same with the Spanish as well. There's a whole world of 'yo momma' one liners in Af.Am culture. Our very own tamil culture has the 'kalaichal' way of heckling, which is just another initiation ritual. I have since learned to reel in my temper, take whatever anybody says in the right spirit (and not read anything into it) and roll with it.

Perhaps I just grew out of it. Now when I go watch many of the movies that in the past would have really appealed to me, I find them dull, uninteresting and having nothing remotely resembling a story. Audiences still seem to be lapping up mindless fare in the name of entertainment. However there does appear to be some hope on the horizon. Some smarter movies do seem to be getting a lot of attention as well. Hopefully audiences will start to change as well, and realize that a lot of what is portrayed on screen can never be workable in real life.

=
And....put a stop to the movie maniacs while they're at it.

ROTFL!!

2006-03-25T02:41:00.000-08:00

This is absolutely hilarious!. Its supposed to be two monkeys....

Shed It: Or be Shredded

2006-03-17T18:22:00.000-08:00

The first time ever in a men's locker room (my hopes of a hot sauna with sweaty women at a unisex locker room remain unfulfilled to this day) in the U.S of A can be quite a traumatizing experience, especially for your average, modest desi.

'Twas the summer of 02. I had only heard stories of men's locker rooms before, but thought nothing of it since I could vividly recall the locker room scenes from TopGun with Maverick walking around in an ankle length white towel. (No comments on this please. This is part of an intense sequence showing the powerplays between Maverick and Iceman).

The real locker room provided me with quite a rude shock. As soon as I walked into the locker room, I was greeted by the sight of a wide smile - just a smile, no face or anything around it. It was only on careful (and NOT close) observation that I realized it was a guy towelling himself off and had bent over sideways. He was in a state of shower-induced nirvana: you know the ones that last only as long as it takes for the water to dry off. Hurriedly I averted my eyes and fixed them on an impartial spot on the far grey wall, only to have another guy who appeared to be attached to a totem pole cross my field of view....... Well you get the picture. There was nowhere to look, except at the ground. I knew I had to do all in my power to contain my shock because, well you dont just walk into a men's locker room and gape; it just doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd want to do. I'm not one of those to whom this brings a significant level of titillation as well - not that there's anything wrong with that.

For one: It was filled with guys.-just walking around. Sauntering, if you will. All that is fine, except well - they had nothing on.Yet nobody seemed to have the least bit of shame or embarrassment. Then there was me. Walking around in my shorts, and feeling a little green around the gills. I hadn't even undressed at the doctor's office at that point of time (Over here in the US they seem to ask you to take your clothes off at the slightest hint of illness) and my situation was not assisted in any way when every guy seemed to look at me with a sort of sardonic smile that to me went something like "Hmm. He's wearing shorts in the locker room. I wonder what he's got, that he feels he needs to hide". This as you'd know if you're a guy is very very annoying. I could clearly see (although I didn't want to) that some of those guys had no business smiling at me, especially when it was very obvious that I should at least wallow in a chamber of laughing gas before even being in the same room as they.

I walked into the shower room, and there were even more shocks to follow. There were showers all right - except there were no frickin curtains, or stalls or anything. Just showers in a row, and guys soaking it in, without a care in the world. Here's the really really annoying part: In similar situations, where almost all the people in a room are male, you could at least conjure up visions of cute chicks you've met and dream about a nice walk on the beach (I hold back relating my other visions in considerate deference to my female readers :-) ) or something like that. In THIS particular situation, such a conjuration and the possible effect could be potentially disastrous. Think about it - you start getting your vision,provide sufficient food for thought; being blessed with particularly strong powers of imagination do you no good as nature takes its course yada yada yada and before you know it guys are staring at you wondering where THAT came from and more importantly WHY - if you know what i mean.

Therefore I walked into one of the private shower stalls they had, with a nice opaque curtain and proceeded to have a most wonderful shower in that 3 square feet of space. However, as I was walking out (with my towel reaching down to my ankles - Maverick ishtyle) I had one of those life-changing moments. This guy who appeared to be finishing up with his shower as well, was right in front of me, in the public shower area. As I was walking out of the shower, he caught my eye and saw me come out hesitantly, much like a newly hatched chicken peeking out over the now broken shell. Then he gave me a really patronizing smile. Again, he was one of those that had no business whatsoever, to be giving me patronizing smiles. You dont live in a one- story house and be condescending to the guy next door who lives in a multiplex :-).

=
I dont remember quite how it happened, but in the very next visit - I had joined the ranks. It felt unbelievably liberating. Walking around, like you dont give a damn, and you actually dont give a damn. Except, rather than a scene from Topgun, it is now a scene from All The Right Moves (Please, no comments on the name - its a movie).
=
A few visits later, as I was coming back from the shower, I saw a guy walk in, wearing these really long shorts. I looked at him. I smiled.

Now I can!

2006-03-15T23:08:00.000-08:00

Remember me trying to conquer that 20 story staircase, and barely succeeding? Well, it is now 11:08, and I've just dragged myself through 20 stories - right from Level A, to Floor 19, and I'm only breathing hard. None of the head-spinning that I experienced the last time. This is the second time I've been able to do it. All in about 5 minutes. I can't help but smile a small smile of satisfaction when I look in the mirror (and believe me I did look).

I need things like this to go on. Those small victories where I got something right.

Impossible...is nothing.

The Dumb Stick

2006-03-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

*originally posted July 19th, 2005 and reposted in view of The Blank Noise Project's Blogathon*

Read this post at Mitokondrion's page.

Its about the abuse that women have to put up with in modern-day Indian society. I'm no martyr and won't proclaim to fully understand what they have had to go through - because I'm a guy.

However, this is a problem that I feel very strongly about - being a member of the Male species.

I have often questioned myself, friends, peers and just about any other guy who will sit down and talk honestly about it. Why do guys do things like that?

We all collectively came up with one answer: The Dumb Stick.

When your blood's being rerouted away from your brain, you stop thinking with your head and start thinking with the stick.

I'm not kidding. I'm dead serious.

There are many guys who will do something totally self-destructive, stupid or downright creepy and when asked say " I could not help it".

I'm not here to defend their actions which would definitely have caused mental/emotional and even physical scars on the women targeted, but to say that I understand, sort of, when they say they couldn't help it.

You have to be a guy to understand.

With such incidents on the rise, as well as eve-teasing casualties like Sarika Shah (I'm sure people remember her) I think it is time that we all agreed this is not a 'problem' caused by a few 'creeps', but rather a disorder caused by the restrictions that society imposes.

When I was growing up, I have witnessed several such incidents - and the cause was almost always pretty much the same: Offender is an otherwise 'normal' male but he just couldn't 'help himself' at the time that the act was committed. Even as late as the 90s people frowned upon dating,hooking up and generally mingling with the opposite sex. This whole 'you-have-to-wait-until-you-get-married' shtick is single-handedly responsible for more 'eve-teasing' incidents.I am not endorsing pre-marital relations, but if its between two consenting adults, then why the hell do people need to care.

Besides, how many guys can just ignore the raging hormones, and patiently wait till their dad or mom picks out a 'suitable match' when they're like 28? Who's going to fill in the years in-between? Are guys simply supposed to be a block of wood until then? [Or girls for that matter, but that's a different story]

I blame society. People need to understand that in this day and age, desire is pretty much a big part of what drives people.People need to face it and accept that there needs to be some sort of social reform.

Whenever my buddies and I talk about this issue, we almost always agree that if 'hot-blooded' males were somehow given a chance to discharge their raging hormones,maybe we could save our women citizens some troubling times.

Here's what I propose:

* Legalize Strip Clubs: By strip clubs I don't just mean 'dance bars' like they have in Mumbai or Cabaret dances in Pondy or even Record dances in rural Tamil Nadu. I mean full blown temples of testosterone, with strippers catering to every male fantasy & whim. Sure it demeans women - but if the strippers don't care then the women's rights groups & activists should just shut up and let it happen. Look at the big picture, so to speak.Its just another service-based industry. You pay for what you want and you get what you pay for. So that lonely, hormone-ravaged men don't have to resort to downright disgusting acts of attacking helpless women.Besides,its always good for male bonding anyways.

* Legalize Prostitution: I didn't say it - but I think Revathi did.I know she's a women's rights activist herself. I remember reading somewhere a long time ago where she was talking about 'commercial sex workers'. God knows, India has a lot of them - many are exported to foreign countries and treated worse than animals in captivity. Or they end up in Calcutta or one of those 'red light areas' where living conditions are extremely pathetic. Legalize it, zone areas to limit it and ensure good working and living conditions. If people have no other means of survival, then I mean, what is the government going to do anyway? Get them all accountant jobs at the Rashtrapathi Bhavan?

Lets get real. In a day and age where John Abraham and Bipasha Basu just meet and do it a few hours later , on screen [Jism] - we can't shy away from the bare naked truth.

And come on: its not like Bal Thackeray never had a hard-on ever in his life.

[I know these are very strong opinions and I voice them with the idea that they are open to discussion. I do not endorse or oppose any of the points that I have raised in this post. I am merely trying to look for ways out. If my mom's reading this - mom: I'm still a good boy :-). If you're a guy and you feel you have never ever thought about things like this then you're either just gay, impotent or in denial pal. If you're a girl and you think I just don't get it - you're right. I don't. I'm a guy. I have different issues to deal with. Like all the little ho's walking around,being a tease and looking for attention. I have to keep my head above the water here. ]

A Rave Look@Walk By Hi's

2006-03-11T15:59:00.000-08:00

Walk By Hi's (WBH's). Those are the kind of Hi's that you are forced to say, when you pass by somebody in a corridor. Could be a co-worker that you've never met, a colleague or even a fellow student who's existence on the planet you've always suspected but haven't really been presented adequate information to completely believe in.
=
They are almost always awkward and surrounded by complete uncertainty. First there's the sighting. You've sighted a potential WBH situation, where the subject is walking at approximately 22 yards (or the length of a cricket pitch). Immediately you start to shoot quick glances, to make sure a) The subject is indeed going to be walking by b) That there is atleast a 50% probability that a WBH could be expected to occur.
=
a) can be confirmed by tracking said subject over a period of time, and projecting his/her general direction the required 22 yards to determine if he/she will indeed walk by. Now that you have determined that it will occur, you start preparing for the WBH.
=
The most important and even critical determination at this point of time is to be sure of rank and/or seniority. i.e who will WBH first? Personally I'm not a big fan of WBH's because of all the uncertainty involved, but I find that I am unable to simply make eye contact with a subject and NOT indulge in a WBH. When They were sequencing my DNA, They must have put it in as a curseory procedure.
=
The determination about who will WBH first is made by the first person to make direct eye contact. You quick-glance at the other person, and find that person looking straight at you. Now you know, they know you were looking at them. Its time to initiate the WBH launch sequence. You're in too deep, having had the gall to make eye contact. There is almost always no way to back out gracefully, once you've passed this e.c stage. If you so do, you risk being branded as unfriendly.
=
Now it is time for one last quick glance and a precise calculation of exactly when the subject will be about to pass you. Remember, if you WBH too early, you risk coming across as too eager, and nobody wants that. If you WBH too late, chances are that subject will miss it entirely, and you again run the risk of being mr.wet blanket on everybody's list. Trying to avoid that list as much as possible, should be one of your top priorities.
=
As subject crosses the execution point, you may then WBH with either a quick head nod followed by a general stretching of the facial muscles to indicate waves of limitless joy washing over your countenance at their appearance, or you may actually say a quick 'hi' in their general direction. Maintaining eye-contact is key during this entire execution phase. This informs the subject of your intentions at friendly and social contact and you are sure of getting a return WBH, which will in turn ensure the longevity of your mutual WBH's well into the future.
=
Some caveats to watch out for:
1.If subject is looking at his/her phone/watch/timekeeping or scheduling device: Subject appears to be unwilling to welcome any form of social contact and such individuals are best avoided. Quicken your step to walk on past the subject, before the eye contact phase, because subject will either entirely miss your WBH or be too preoccupied to return. This event is known as the death of all further WBH's. More relationships are killed through such timing faux pas, than people acknowledge.
=
2.AVOID desis who look like they've overdosed on laxatives. They are so unused to WBH's if its a girl, she's going to think you're trying to hit on her (which in some cases, might actually be even impossible to imagine). If its a guy, you will receive a blank stare leading you to comment on how desis are sooo unfriendly. This is especially hard when you yourself are with other desis and may result in a couple of nasty looks being thrown your way.
=
WBH's in today's workplace are unavoidable and necessary. So....dont let life pass you by. Hell, WBH that too.

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara (Remake)

2006-03-11T04:36:00.000-08:00

Remember Mile Sur Mera Tumhara? That really inspiring video about India and its unity in diversity? Well here's the remake about desi life in the US and i must say it was unbelievable. Really took me back to grad student life as well :-). Check it out, and see if it doesn't give you that familiar but oft-forgotten rush of patritism...

======================================

P.S:Got that link from this blogpost that also links to clips of Didi's Comedy Show, one of the classics of Doormat Darshan back in the 80s, when there was literally nothing else to watch. It was quite funny actually, atleast for an 8 year old.

The Rave:Cricket news - Just In

2006-03-08T16:09:00.000-08:00

Sachin Tendulkar considering retirement? : The way Sachin came out going all out in the 4th innings of the first test match between India and England, suggests that Sachin is insecure about his spot in the playing XI. This further suggests that he aims to try to get to the maximum number of runs scored in test cricket as fast as possible so that he could possibly retire, before the 2007 World Cup, to probably make way for more deserving players, waiting on the fringes. "I have been playing competitive cricket for well over 16 years" said Sachin, very recently. This implies that his constant injuries are finally catching up with him, and he is tired - of all the travelling and the constant pressure to perform. There has also been speculation with probable cause, that Sachin starts to slow down once he is in sight of a major landmark.

Harbhajan Singh, Greg Chappell's Favorite?: Greg Chappell was seen to be chatting extensively with Harbhajan Singh at nets, a day before the 2nd test match between India and England. A well placed source in the Indian team mentions that Chappell appeared to be spending 'a considerable amount of time' with Bhajji at nets. Since this is happening just the day before the test match, speculations are rife about bhajji figuring in the playing XI, even on the back of several disappointing performances in the tour against Pakistan, as well as in the 1st test match. Whether Harbhajan plays or not, remains to be seen.

Sreesanth alienated?: Newly capped fast bowler S. Sreesanth might have been alienated from the rest of the fast bowlers, according to a recent tip received from inside the dressing room. There appear to be no such problems between new hopeful Munaf Patel and aspiring all-rounder Irfan Pathan as a recentpicture taken during team practice suggests. It is interesting to note that Sreesanth is the only seamer in the current Indian squad, who is from the south (Kerala). Is this suggestive of a current rift in the side? Captain Rahul Dravid and Anil Kumble, both hail from Karnataka, which is Kerala's neighboring state.

[Note: I call these conspiracy theories. Seeing how all these mom and pop journalists in every little newspaper in the country are coming up with their own headlines and news, I thought I'd try my hand at 'writing' my own news. They could very well be true couldn't they? Especially in light of the 'evidence' I have provided. Har de har har!]

Management Monkeys

2006-03-06T18:45:00.000-08:00

This according to my manager, is the very essence of management.

Management, he says, is a lot like a group of monkeys sitting in a tree, all on different branches. When the monkey from above looks down, all he sees is a bunch of smiling faces looking up at him.

When the monkeys from below look up and above them, all they see are assholes.

Let Your Game Speak

2006-03-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

This is being touted as one of the best nike commercials - ever. It is powerful, captivating and magnetic - everything we've come to expect from Nike. The first time I saw this , I was truly amazed.

See if you can recognize the trademark moves [moves that defined an entire generation] , before you actually see the man.

From Spearhead to Spear in the Head

2006-03-02T16:40:00.000-08:00

Javagal Srinath was once the best fast-bowler (okay Medium Fast) in the country; Well respected and has done India proud on several occasions. All that came crashing down the day he decided to throw himself back into the ring by becoming a commentator. Here I was thinking that Sanjay Manjrekar was the most boring human being on earth that ever held a mic and sat in front of a camera, but Srinath gives him stiff competition.

I used to like his bowling (even though I cussed and cursed at his inability to think) but there are several indications that nature, providence and fate did not intend for him to be or at least, last as a commentator. Let us examine these causes.

#1:THE Accent: A strong Indian accent (north, south , east or west) can never be easy on the ears. Look at the likes of Sivaramakrishnan or even Arun Lal who roll their R's and stress their S's. Nobody wants to hear stuff like "Yeverybody"; sentences interspersed with several "I Mean's" end up not meaning anything because they take so long to finish. There have been a couple of instances where Michael Atherton/Dean Jones have been rendered speechless - unable to follow the train of thought which derails even before somebody can follow it.

#2: The Speech: Most Indians speak too fast. We are so used to the rapid pace of our native languages (or mother tongue as it is referred to - even though I dont speak pink) that when we talk in English there is this tendency to rush along at the same pace. Srinath, probably speaks faster than he used to bowl. That would be a great new way of sledging that he could teach our bowlers. Speak as you deliver the ball...and hopefully the batsman will get sledged and then have to play at the ball. Eureka!.

Srinath is unfortunate because most of his co-commentators are European and entirely unable to keep up. By the time they are able to get through one sentence, Srinath is already on his way to finishing off half a volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica, without any of the useful facts from it. Which brings me to point #3.

#3: The Content: Or the lack of it. Srinath has had an international career spread over a few years, and has played in at least 3 world cups. You'd think with all that experience he'd throw in some deep insights into what the bowler might be thinking, what sort of field setting works best for certain situations etc. In short, he needs to talk as a bowler, instead of a lifeless observer sitting on a wall watching gully cricket sharing blatantly obvious thoughts. At least, he needs to try to develop some trademark phrases. Ravi Shastri is not the most exciting commentator around, but even he has his 'Tracer Bullet'. One only needs to read his column "Swinging it with Sri" on rediff to understand how the man's mind works. Its nothing but an eye-witness account of whatever happened in the match. There's no swing there.

#4: The Appearance: Lets face it. This is television. it helps if you have a little bit of a personality. Failing that, some bloke heavily favored in the looks department might be able to get something going. Not so with our Sri. He was never a handsome devil, but at least that musche gave him a little bit of a look. Now that is gone as well, and when the camera pans to him..nothing happens. He's plain vanilla...

In all, I dont think Srinath is going to last very long. It is now all over the place because people are noticing things a bit more. That 'altercations' comment might have set off a whole new Srinathism wave. Why oh why couldn't he just stick to coding in front of a computer?

Yank Bush Around

2006-03-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

You dont have to be Dick Cheney to yank Bush around. Now you can yank him around too!

Hilarious!

Javagal Srinath: Adding to the excitement

2006-03-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

JS (On Virender Sehwag's wicket) : "I dont see anything wrong with that shot. It was a good cricketing shot. Had it been a yard to the left or right of Pietersen, it would have been a sure 4"

Somebody - stop this guy. A yard- really!

=
JS (on the ball getting whacked out of shape): "If you are not happy with the ball...(long pause) you've GOT to change the ball.

Wow. Sure am glad he's around to provide his expert comments.
=
JS: "I am not happy with Sreeshanth - the way he bowled this morning...i can empathise him...what inexperience...he has bowled..."
=
Q: "How should Sreeshanth bowl, to prevent being called for running on the pitch again? " (He was called twice on the 1st day of the current Nagpur Test match)
JS: " He just..I mean...has to make certain alterations...altercations...and...by which..i mean he will be able to maintain....."

=
Earlier in the day he referred to Kevin Pietersen as Peter Kirsten.
=
More as they (no doubt will) follow :-)

The Heart of the Matter

2006-02-24T13:51:00.000-08:00

Rahul Bhattacharya, on Sourav Ganguly (From Cricinfo Magazine). Definitely worth a read.

WTF!!!!

2006-02-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

I was just having a bit of a chat with 2 other desis that I work with (one of whom was El Ratta).

Some facts about India have come to my attention.

1.Gurgaon is near Delhi, close to the Haryana border (I keep confusing it with Goregaon)

2.Jharkand is pronounced JHAAR-kund, and not jhurkand (My team leader was very stirred that I was pronouncing it wrong)

3.Jharkand is NOT the other half of Uttar Pradesh. In fact, Jharkand is a part of Bihar, which became another state (So what happened to Bihar? It is still Bihar, except it is now smaller. I know about Jharkand, because well Mahendra Singh Dhoni put it on the map :-) )

4. The other part of Uttar Pradesh is now Uttaranchal - a separate state.

5. There are now 28 states (really?)

Somebody, for God's sake, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Just when I was mentally kicking myself for this geographical faux pas, El Ratta expressed surprise, shock and apprehension at my statement that Delhi is now a state.Oh well...you can't know everything. Not many people know where Alangudi or Andankovil is, do they? :-)

End of the Road?

2006-02-23T10:30:00.000-08:00

This could be it. The End of the Road - for one Sourav Chandidas Ganguly. Dropped from the ODI squad, the last frontier of hope was that he might be picked in tests and carry on from his decent showing in the last 2 tests that he's played in.

Kiran Gore, chairman of selectors has said that it would be 'difficult' for Ganguly to get back into the squad. Me thinks (and hopes) it is only a matter of time. Mohammad Kaif is certainly no test player - and with the kind of form that he is in - England's pace attack will simply blow him away. Speaking of which, the batting lineup looks a little brittle at the moment, with the lineup I have in mind.

Sehwag
Jaffer
Dravid
Laxman
Tendulkar
Kaif/Raina
Dhoni
Pathan
Harbhajan
Kumble/Chawla :-)
Sreesanth/VRV Singh/RP Singh

So they're picking a squad for the future eh? How about trying to win our matches first. We can assume that Jaffer will come and go, as will Kaif/Raina. There's always a 50/50 chance with Sehwag. That leaves Dravid, Laxman, Tendulkar to bail us out if there's any trouble. Which means we're going to be depending on the older players to provide the bulk of the scoring. I'd rather see Ganguly tried out at the opener's slot (its worth a shot, at least for the moment) simply because he's hungry for runs right now. We cannot keep asking Dravid to open,and mess up the most consistent No.3 batsman in the world who hasn't really looked the part in the test series against Pakistan.

Sreesanth and VRV Singh are uncapped players, and VRV has in fact never played in an ODI even. Do we really want to start him off playing in an important test match (where the usual idiots will be watching and waiting to make quick judgements)? If they had thought about this earlier, perhaps they could have started him off in the 5th ODI between Ind and Pak.

A few scary images come to mind. Freddy Flintoff barrelling down the pitch, Simon Jones reverse swinging and doing to India what Mohammad Asif did except at many more k's per hour, or England finally discovering the hidden talents of Monty. Not to mention the batting. Vaughan, Trescothick, Freddy....the list goes on. Surely everybody remembers the Ashes.

Lets wait and see. I can only imagine that our lineup will look a little different after the first test.

Rave To The Grave

Fanboy Extremes

Basic Instinct

New Business Proposal

Back to Blogging...

In the doghouse...

Get that 'appy feeling in you...

Overheard....

Yes Minister! Minister goes online....

As the word turns....

It happens....

Ishant Sharma Brands Ponting's Ass

What a wonderful world...

Are we like that wonly?

Flashback....

In the land of the Dragon...

Reflections

Rising Sun

Parking Karma

DD's Comedy Shows

Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai

Miss Told....

Sivaji : The Boss - COOOL!!!

Sivaji: The B.O.S.S [Bachelor of Social Service]

What the F#@$?

I wonder...

Get movin wit da mowin...

Saw II0/

World Cup 2011: The Cricinfo Page

Sivaji: Music

A Rave Look at Indian Cricket

Static filled Noise

Can They Do It?

Wild Hogs : First Look

A dash of wisdom

Smartass Math

Team India Apparel

Returning The Favor

Air India Does It Again...

Rocky Balboa: Full Circle

The Budda Call

Sreesanth Versus Nel

Revving Engines: Racing Hearts

A Random Thought on Marriage

And He's Back

Behind The Scenes

All the right reasons...

Occupation: Housewife

On PRESSURE

Borat Is Make Great Success

A Quick Picker Upper : HornFixerUppers.

Taking apart The Departed (*Spoiler Free*)

Lets Talk about....that thing you do

Hilarious!

HE said it

Dissecting A.R.Rahman's Music

Curls N Twirls

And now a word from Seinfeld....

Vettaiyadu Vilayadu...

The Adventures Of Fickleberry ViM

A will of iron...

The Chenneye-#1

Im at that age....

Back to the Motherland...

Fall 7 Times. Stand Up 8. Lose 2. Win 4.

The Fountainhead's Flooding....

D-tour: NBA Finals

That one thing...

Sivaji: The Boss - Latest News

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/30

Lok Paritran Splits

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/20

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/18

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/12

The Art of The Peal...

எங்கும் Thamizh, Edhilum தமிழ், பொங்கும் தமிழ், Nam தங்கத் தமிழ்!

The Power Of The Blog...

A Quick Picker Upper: 5/4

HE said it!

PowerPREP

Taking apart The Departed (Spoiler Free)